Sunday, October 31, 2010
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Attack of the Mole Men-Part 1
I don't think I ever posted my 2007 Halloween story, so here it is!
***
The brilliant Harvest Full Moon slowly rose above the sleepy Gotham skyscrapers as I loaded my Crossfire with Dana's apple cider donuts. I lay them with care as the crisp cool air blew into the parking garage, ah, fall was here. Thank God. I took a big whiff of the apple cider smell, mmm, did they smell delicious! Oh I couldn't wait to sink my canines into them. I closed the hatch reveling in the fact that my car would smell like those tasty little morsels for several days into the month of November.
I walked into the kitchen and marveled how clean it was after the little incident a few hours before. You see, against my better judgment I had Blue help me out with the last batch of Dana's donuts. Blue wore a blue silky Kimono that sported snowy white wolves; I sat the batter down onto the counter top and walked away to help her mix a batch I was going to give to the annoyingly chipper Ensign Pike to give to Captain America for the Avenger party later on in the night.
No one was around so I wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed her neck; Blue giggled for a second and purred, "Ryan-kun, not now," as she put her head back and took a deep breath. She placed a soft hand on my cheek and gasped as I kissed her neck again. Suddenly the kissing stopped as the bowl began to rattle; I looked back at the bowl and knew it wasn't an earthquake, it was the only thing that was moving. It started to spin as it began to jump up and down on the counter top.
"Uh-oh," I uttered and quickly grabbed Blue; I pushed her to the ground and lay atop of her just before the dumb thing violently exploded! I uncontrollably squeezed her hard as the explosion rang out. The tasty batter spewed everywhere along with shrapnel of the porcelain bowl. The sweet fattening mess splattered onto the ceiling, cabinets, refrigerator, and lastly the infamous kitchen sink as the sugary apple cider rain rained upon us.
I looked up and saw the sticky mess; the tasty batter began to drip from the ceiling as I looked down at Blue. She closed her eyes, slightly tilted her head and was about to give me the look when I heard footsteps storming into the kitchen. I gazed up and saw Red, Wonder Woman's French Maid glaring down at us; her face was beet red as she placed her angry balled fists onto her soft curvy hips.
She stomped her high heel black pumps, her breasts bounced in perfect unison with the stomp and pointed to the door with her right index finger as she yelled, "OUT!" She kept her angry balled fist planted firmly on her lacy hip; the snarling maid took deep breaths which pushed her laced covered Alps higher and higher. Red didn't even flinch when the batter began to drip down upon her nice clean black uniform that Wonder Woman just gave her.
Blue silently got up and flashed a little smile at Red; she looked back at me as I followed.
Suddenly Red's open palm struck my chest as she asked, "Just where do you think you're going, luv?"
"You said..." I answered throwing my hands out.
"Do you know how long it took me to clean the kitchen!" she asked as she took yet another deep breath that sent her lovely Alps nearly neck high! Blue winced her eyes and waved goodbye as Red continued to scold me. Once she was finished Red grimaced and smacked my butt.
"Ouch!" I stated just before she smacked me again!
"There, that'll teach you!" she huffed before she looked back. Blue was gone, she turned around as I looked at her with some trepidation. Suddenly her countenance changed, she slyly smiled as she purred, "Now I get an excuse to take another shower..."
"Well, Ryan," a soft voice spoke, snapping me out of the messy flashback.
I turned around and saw IADC super agent Diana Prince, Wonder Woman's alter ego, standing behind me in a tan trench coat. Her hands were in her pockets, she pulled one out and removed her gaudy black signature glasses, revealing her goddess face, "Are you ready?"
"Lemme put on my Navy jersey and I will be," I replied as I looked at her kind of funny, "You're going dressed like that?"
She smiled and nodded, "Yes! Wonder Woman is going as a secret agent."
"Oh," I replied, "I see, well," I answered rather stunned as I pulled out my football jersey. I pulled off shirt and put on the navy blue jersey; I threw my arms out and smiled, "Ready!"
I double checked the donuts I left for Ensign Pike to give to Captain America and we were heading out to Blue's Tavern.
Minutes later as my blue Crossfire zipped down the highway, I gently placed my hand on Diana's knee. She placed her warm hand over mine as I gave her knee a little squeeze. The smell of apple cider donuts filled every cavity of my fast little car as we continued onto Blue's Tavern. Diana took a deep breath through her nose as she closed her eyes and enjoyed the aroma, "Mmm, Ryan. I can't wait to eat one of those," she stopped and looked over at me, "Next time, don't invite Blue over."
Sigh. I tried and tried to teach her how to make desserts and use firearms, each time it ended in disastrous results. Whether she blew up a kitchen while innocently making cookies or nearly shooting my foot on Gotham NAS rifle range, she never seemed to catch on. I smirked a little and replied, "Wilco," though I was bound and determined to teach her. If she can learn all those super duper ninja moves, why can't she learn how to bake cookies or shoot a weapon?
Moments later we arrived at Blue's Tavern, as I parked the car my eyes beheld a peculiar sight. Dana, dressed as a Hooters waitress, was bending over, her orange short shorts were riding up her sexy legs giving me a nearly wondrous look of her derrière; she had a stick in her hand which she was repeatedly hitting the ground with it. "What is she doing?" I asked as I reached for my car door. Now, I know what you're thinking; Wonder Woman was thinking the same thing too: I had alterior motives in mind. No, I just wanted to know why she was making herself look like a moron. Seriously!
"I'll be back," I said as I opened my car door.
"I bet you will," Diana replied dryly as she rested her elbow on my car's window.
"I've seen her in less," I replied.
"Really?" she replied as she rested her head on her hand.
"She was wearing a pink thong when she blasted me out of the sky."
"Oh, yes," she smiled rather mischievously, "Tara then went on her Mayday! Mayday! This is Wolf 1 I've been hit routine."
"Um, yeah," I stammered as I searched for words, "Dana coldly shot me down."
The sun was being eaten by the ravenous haunted forest as Dana continued to look like a moron as she still continued to beat the soaked earth. Blue walked out of the Tavern with a strange look on her face as I neared. She had a shovel in her hand. "Um, Dana, are you okay?" I asked as my blue haired angel stood next to me.
Blue smirked and added, "Uhm...Dana? It's okay. It's dead pal. No worries. Although, we may have an unusually large population of earth worms crop up in a few months..." the sexy ninja finished as she started to laugh.
Dana continued to pound away as she looked at us out of the corner of her eye and smirked.
"If you're gonna do that, use a shovel, k?" Blue smirked as she handed the orange hot pants clad belle the shovel.
"I think I'm done Bluey," Dana replied as she took the shovel, "I've just had a busy day and I didn't feel like sleeping with snowmen tonight. How about you and me, sans Ryan, have a few drinks together and have a good time at the Tavern...your treat!"
How generous of her I thought as Dana finished, but at times Blue was, sigh, an airhead. Don't get me wrong, I love her dearly, but sometimes she's just a few French fries short of a happy meal.
Meanwhile high above us, Tara's favorite Green Lantern, Ch’p was performing a high altitude patrol, the little squirrel spotted us. "What's this?!?" he exclaimed and zoomed down on the action as he spots Dana pounding the ground with that stupid stick. He dropped down at our level and declared, "Great stars! The Mole Men must be attacking!" as he created a giant green cartoonish type mallet with his ring. The type of mallet that Wile E. Coyote would order from Acme Corporation and slammed it against the ground with enough force to shake the Earth and the nearby haunted forest as well as giving Dana, Blue and I a little air time.
"There! That should do it," Ch’p suddenly stopped as he looked at the three of us, "Uh...wait...Dana? What's this all about?"
Speaking of pounding, I winced and held my pounding head after my ears felt that resounding thud, "Oh that didn't feel good."
Logan Kil had walked out, his sensitive ears picked up the sound from my ears, "It didn't sound good either, are you okay?"
"I'll be fine," I replied as I continued to wince as I held my throbbing temple, "Once I have one of Blue's concoctions, I'll be fine! Blue...Blue...Blue?"
I looked down and Blue was on her bum from the force of the ear splitting shockwave, "OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" she exclaimed and stood up. She rubbed her little blue fanny and blinked, "Hmm...so much for the earth worm population." She giggled and went to mix that little pain killing concoction of hers.
Then Dana told her tale, "Sorry guys. I just didn't want any tainted Ninja brew to be mistakenly get in my drink tonight, there's been an international recall. Although I am really creeped out about the woods at night, yet I still love it!"
Chp was confused to say the least, "Ninja brew? Okay...you didn't want Ninja brew, so you attacked the ground, which, I assume, is somehow the source of Ninja brew? I'm so confused..." He stopped and smiled, "Well, anyway, sorry about the noise, fellas. Next round is on me!"
Dana, and Logan cheered as Blue handed me her little potion. I eagerly took it, "Thank you Blue-chan," and drank. It instantly pounded my headache into submission. I stole a quick kiss and walked back to my car as Blue's little cheeks began to glow red.
My Crossfire's trunk was popped open; I could smell the tasty apple cider donuts as the wind whisked through the evergreens. The beige trench coat clad Wonder Woman was already munching on the donuts. I smiled and then looked down at the open box as I reached in to grab one myself; that's when I noticed that two were missing!
I pulled my hand back without taking a donut and mildly chided my boss as I rested the hand on the open trunk door, "Diana, you know even as superheroine has to watch her Amazon goddess figure!"
She continued to munch away as she shrugged her shoulders and purred, "I'm sorry Ryan, I couldn't help myself, they smelled so delicious. I just had to try one. Mmm, it was so good; I had to have another one." Boy was she buttering me up, she continued after she licked her ruby red lips, "You're the most wondrous dessert maker I know and the most handsome mere mortal sidekick a Wonder Woman could ever ask for."
I slightly turned my head, "Are you finished?" Wow, talk about stroking my ego!
She giggled and handed me her gaudy glasses, "Here."
"What are you doing?" I asked as I looked down at the glasses and then back up at her.
She remained silent and walked between two trees; Diana looked around and threw her arms out, she began to twirl in place. She disappeared in a red vortex of energy, the vortex turned to blue and ebbed, Wonder Woman emerged, but not wearing the costume we've come accustomed of her wearing. Her bustier was still red but her satin tights were jet black with white stars. The boots were solid jet black except the gold trim near the top. Wonder Woman wore gloves that ran up to her upper arms, they were red and black, a white strip separated the colors near her elbow. It was finished off with a choker around her neck.
The arrogant Wonder Woman smugly walked up to me as my mouth slowly drooped to the floor, "Well, lieutenant?"
"Ahhhhh," I stammered, "But they'll know who you are," I answered as I pointed towards the tavern.
She picked up her glasses and replied, "That's what these are for," and put those hideous spectacles on. "No self respecting superheroine of Wonder Woman's stature would be caught dead wearing these things."
I quickly saw her point. I was about to reply when my phone rang; I reluctantly answered it, "Lieutenant Wolf speaking..."
"Yes, Kara! He is.....Great.....I'm glad....He did.....Well....have fun!"
"Ensign Pike I presume," Wonder Woman asked as she folded her arms under her well endowed chest.
"Yes, she's just had a dance with Captain America, she's smitten with him."
"Can you blame the girl?" Wonder Woman asked before she sighed as she looked up, "He's blonde, big strong muscles, very handsome..."
This time it was my turn to butter someone up, "I'd rather be smitten with a buxom silky raven haired Amazon Princess, with sparkling hypnotic blue eyes and glossy ruby red lips, complete with a very loving compassionate personality to boot."
She took a deep breath, sending her titillating cleavage sky high as well as my blood pressure and replied, "Keep that up Ryan my sidekick and you just may get lucky tonight."
Moments later we had those tasty little morsels safely inside, so to speak. Blue had changed into her little red devil costume, complete with horns and forked tail. She called Dana over as Wonder Woman and I set the sweet smelling boxes of donuts down on the counter. I opened a box and took a big whiff of the sweet apple cider smell. My chest began to swell with pride as I enjoyed the aroma of those sinfully delicious donuts.
"Dana! I perfected the recipe," I verbally pounded my now totally inflated chest.
Dana smirked took a donut out of the box as she rebutted, "I'll be the judge of that!" She bit into the donut and nodded her approval before she rolled her eyes in utter pleasure, "Oh my God, Ryan! This is awesome! Mmm, fantastic!" Suddenly the world stopped turning, Dana rewarded me by brushing my cheek with her soft hand. My mind raced back to just a few short weeks ago when she blasted me out of the sky while wearing that very skimpy pink thong bikini. Tara nearly died laughing as Dana did her foul evil deed. "May Day, May Day, This is Wolf 1! I've been hit!" Tara laughed over and over as she rolled over her towel.
About this time a voluptuous Blonde wearing glasses strutted up to me. She wore a loose fitting red blouse and tight black skirt that stopped a few inches high of her knees. Her blue eyes sparkled as put a hand on her soft hip and smiled, "Hi Ryan!"
I looked at her, trying to place her, but I couldn't. She knew me, but who was she? She frowned as she realized I didn't recognize her; the blonde placed her hands on her hips and leaned over at me, "Ryan, it's me. Harley!"
"Harley! I didn't recognize you! I'm sorry!" I replied and gave her a friendly hug.
We pulled away and I looked at her as I placed my hands on her shoulders. She smiled as she moved her shoulders, "Well, Ryan, whadaya think?"
"I like it, but what are you supposed to be?"
Well, I did it again, Harley titled her head at me as she half cockeyed her mouth. "I'm a psychologist, you silly...," she replied and then demanded, "Now, what happened to your orange flight suit you said you were going to wear?"
Ah nuts, she had to mention that. I was going to wear it, but I wound up getting into some major trouble wearing it on the test run. Blue hated it, no, despised it; that color orange was so obnoxious that she trapped me inside a Pokemon ball. Despite my muffled cries she giggled, "Sorry Ryan-kun, you look so much like a little cute Pokemon in that suit. I have to protect you." Chp would wind up rescuing me, after Blue, the mighty ninja, was trapped inside of one.
I looked at Harley and kept a straight face, "It, uh, shrunk in the wash."
"Oh, that's too bad Ryan," she giggled and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "I'll see ya around," she smiled as she gave me a wink. I followed her as she walked away, totally recalling our date that we had. I don't remember much about it, but it was a blast, er, so to speak.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Tarot, Black Rose Witch #64
Once in a while I will stumble upon a comic online and it will catch my attention, like Tomb Raider #28. Tarot #64 is much the same.
It's Friday night and the Skeleton Man, my nominee for worst all time hero, is by all himself working out. Licorice Dust comes by to tell him to tell Tarot to, "Stay away from my girlfriend, Boo." He tells her to tell her herself. The two exchange barbs, Licorice try's to hypnotize him. Jon turns away and grabs some bug spray. He sprays her nipple spiders, they die and fall off. She calls him a jerk and runs away as she does one of those, "Rot in Hell," type quips.
Meanwhile Tarot arrives back at her mansion, Licorice is waiting for her. "Stay away from my girl friend." Tarot says no and is promptly bitch slapped. She's gets her sweet ass kicked; our fiery red headed witch is groped, bitchslapped, bobbied smothered, massaged until page 13. This is where Tarot accidentally looks up into Licorice's eyes. She becomes the vampire's sexual puppet until page 16, where she awakes at the last panel.
Tarot returns the, "Stay away from my girlfriend, as she finally goes on the offensive; before she can kill Licorice with a wooden stake an armada bats come in and rescue Licorice.
Boo Cat is on her way to see Tarot when she nearly runs over Licorice. They exchange a few words, it was amazing to see how quickly the vampire's chest wound healed. Boo tells Dust to get in. She pulls up her shirt revealing her perky twins. They set off to tease the boys of Salem while Tarot tends to her wounds as she waits for a date that will never arrive.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Pumpkin Puss
Unfinished 2009 Halloween story. Remember, it's unfinished.
***
The sinisterly smiling crescent moon rose above the quite pumpkin patch behind Lady Blue’s Tavern. A cool brisk autumn breeze blew as the moon cast its eerie light upon a sleeping Jack-o-lantern. Brown, red, yellow, orange leaves swirled around the carved pumpkin as the October moon’s shimmering mystical energies beamed down upon the pumpkin.
Lieutenant Ryan Wolf, the now legendary PAM (Pirate Anger Management for those of you reading in Port St. Lucie, Florida) Instructor, had successfully, well, that depends upon what your definition of ‘successfully’ is, trained the infamous Lady Blue and Lady Black. In fact, the handsome lieutenant was so successful that lead PAM Instructor code named: Captain Jack wanted Ryan to take on a new student, Lady Blue’s most capable protégé, Lady White. The Wolf jumped in with both feet.
The sweet, yet deadly white haired kunoichi stared at the unpleasant purple reflection in the mirror. The voluptuous ninja moaned, “Ryan-chan, is this really necessary,” as she gazed upon her pirate self. Her heaving chest nearly popped out of her skimpy purple pirate dress as she continued to look at the abominable reflection, surely her Ryan-chan had eaten one too many Krispy Kreme donuts. “Can’t I wear something else for Halloween,” she pleaded as she turned around, her breath taking Mount Fujis nearly jumping free.
“I’m sorry, White-chan,” the ace pilot replied as he grabbed her two purple straps that strained to hold her massive breasts in check, “It’s part of your training.” He paused for a moment as he gazed upon the glory that was her fabulous cleavage. The ravenous Wolf looked up and finished as he gently pulled her curvy body into rock granite masculine frame, “Think of all the fun we’ll have when I help you take it off.”
“Ryan-chan!” the little minx purred, “You can help me take it off now!”
“Mmm,” he moaned as he gave her a slow kiss. “I love to,” he stated in a low voice and in a quick flash twirled her around and smacked her sweet ass. Her shocked eyes widen as he did so. “BUTT! First you have to help Tara tend the bar in that pirate attire,” he retorted.
The blushing White gently rubbed her plump rump as Ryan wrapped a strong supporting arm around her. She glanced at her Ryan-chan, “Please!” the desperate kunoichi pleaded.
Imperial Commander of the Galactic Navy, Tara le Fay, now a Commander in the United States Navy, had been watching, she smirked, “I don’t know what’s she’s complaining about Ryan, ain’t like she’s wearing much.” Tara was dressed as Wonder Woman. She sported a tiara, bracelets, red bustier, and long red boots with white trim; however, she sported a blue star spangled mini skirt instead of satin tights, her magic lasso rested against her hip. Wonder Wolf stopped and further added salt to the wound, “She’s Lady Blue’s protégé alright; she suffers from acute piratitis.”
Ryan opened the door for the reluctant smexy pirate; he smiled as the party was just about to start. However, his precious White-chan blushed and swallowed hard as Tara placed White’s sword on her nearly exposed curvy right hip. Lady White’s purple dress strained to keep her in place as she took shallow rapid breaths. It was going to be a very long night for the crimson cheeked kunoichi.
It was a good thing that Ryan and White were an item, if not, all the beautiful ladies, especially the perky Miss Matthews, would’ve been fair game for the ravenous Wolf. Aspen was dressed as a mermaid; the lieutenant marveled how her seashells didn’t pop off of her well endowed petite breasts as she wildly danced and bounced on the dance floor.
Chp and Squirrel Girl were sitting at the bar chit chatting about their favorite nuts to crack as they sipped away on double Macadamia nut lattes. Wolf was thankful that the little Green Lantern squirrel was back to his status of being the cutest squirrel in the galaxy and not the blood thirsty Black Lantern. Gobs of adoring dreamy eyed women quickly swarmed the Lilliputian giant as the asked for autographs and photo requests.
In the background Ryan’ favorite wingman, Carol Riley, the bodacious Miss Marvel strolled in. She was dressed as the Queen of the fairies; he marveled how quickly she regained her goddess body after giving birth to her son. Ryan nearly drooled as he thought about how she could change into her tight little black costume. Shimmering lights would dance around her, it was almost as delicious, er, exciting as watching Lynda Carter on TV as she twirled into Wonder Woman. The buxom blonde’s husband was a very lucky man, no, lucky isn’t strong enough; he was blessed.
Misty Knight, the Chocolate Wolf, was there too; wearing the Washington Redskin Cheerleading outfit she wore while performing some undercover work for the National Football League. Ryan quickly made his way over as his eyes never straying from the ebony beauty. “Ahoy there Misty, my chocolate Wolf maitee!” he smiled with his best pirate accent. “What would ye like to drink to satisfy ye thirst, me heartee!”
Lady White, standing a few feet away, was traumatized. Her left eye was a big as a moon pie, her right eye twitched uncontrollably as her mouth quivered. She slowly turned to face Ryan; her eyes began to glow a deep crimson. How could he do this to her? Talk like a pirate when she was dressed as a pirate babe!
She snarled and was about to lunge at him when Lady Blue bopped her over the head with a bowling pin she pulled out of the deep recesses of her cleavage. “No, White-sama! It’s part of your training! Ryan-kun is only doing what’s best for you.”
Poor Lady White rubbed her aching head and nervously smiled as she put her head down. Misty Knight leaned over the counter and rested her chin on her fist; she purred, “How about some rum, lieutenant.”
Ryan saw White out of the corner of his eye and decided to give White some more PAM training. “Rum it is!” he thundered and started signing boisterously, “16 men on a dead man’s chest, Yo Ho Ho and a bottle of rum!”
Lady Blue was strutting her stuff in her ‘Playstation’ attire. She sported a blindfold with a green triangle on it; she had two buttons covering her massive bosoms, and not much else save that black bikini bottom that sported three plug-ins dangling from her well oiled haunches. The sandalwood scented blue haired vixen started humming along, suddenly it hit the ninja blue haired buxom Sony Playstation what she was singing. She dropped the drink she was about to serve to a customer; she blankly blinked. Blue glanced over at her Ryan-kun; how could he do that to her? Made her sing a pirate song, he made her sing a filthy pirate song! The PAM graduate’s blood began to boil, her teeth gnashed together, she balled her angry fists; she was seconds away from making the pirate loving Wolf pay dearly.
Remember when I stated earlier that Blue had successfully complete Pirate Anger Management? She completed it alright, successfully depends upon what your definition of ‘is’ is. Lady Blue passed with a D-, a score of 69 to be exact. A fact that wasn’t lost to Tara le Fay; she sensed the approaching maelstrom and snapped her fingers. The door behind Blue and White opened; the Wonder Wolf tackled both of them into the dark room
Ryan and Misty were both oblivious to this as he handed the cheerleader her liquid poison. The door closed as Misty took the drink and raised it in the air. “To chocolate!” she giggled and then down her alcohol.
***
The dancing leaves furiously circled around the dreaming Jack-o-lantern as the moon’s shimmering light grew brighter. A little ember sparked, it grew until a little flame flickered inside the jagged mouth of the carved pumpkin. His vine hand covered his mouth as he yawned as he slowly grew a vegetation body.
The walking pumpkin narrowed his triangular eyes as the flame inside of his grotesquely carved head nearly exploded. Lady Blue’s Tavern, Gotham’s sin hole; the night of reckoning had finally arrived. The Pumpkin King would finally send his fiery wrath down upon the wicked denizens of the tavern, especially the bumbling blithering incompetent Lieutenant Ryan Tiberius Wolf.
For years that stupid incompetent naval ace would violate his sacred pumpkin patch with those dirty infidel feet of his; Ryan would pluck the biggest, firmest, most prized pumpkins only to make sweet tasty treats for that overrated kunoichi girlfriend of his: Dana Tan. Where did it get the dashing aviator? Nowhere! She never committed to the doof, yet he kept making her blasphemous donuts, pies, cakes, and breads from his holy pumpkins! Flames leaped from his scowling mouth, “Tonight Lieutenant Wolf, will be your Waterloo. I will take your girlfriends and make them battle amongst themselves. The winner will become my Queen and the rest will become my mindless minions!”
He threw his head back and laughed. Fiery flames shot up into the brisk night air as he laughed a hardy maniacal laugh, “AH-HA-HA-HA! AH-HA-HA-HA!! AH-HA-HA-HA!!!”
A few minutes later the door opened up and a calm Lady Blue walked up humming a cheerful song. White was behind her, blushing. The embarrassed protégé whispered in her teacher’s ear, “I didn’t know Tara was that kind of girl.”
“Neither did she, until she met me, right Tara-sama!” Blue retorted as Tara walked out behind the deadly student and the deadlier teacher.
The Dark Jedi used White and Blue as human shields as she bent over and fixed herself. She stood up and snarled, “Right!” as she slapped the reluctant purple pirate’s bubbly derriere; which caused the blushing purple pirate to blush even more. Tara leaned over and whispered in White’s tender ear, “You blush too much.”
The Tavern was really hopping with throngs of Halloween revelers. Halloween themed music filled the air as patron showed off their candy treasurers as well as telling tall tales of being chased by ghoulish ghouls. Wolf was making his way through the macabre sight when he spotted a tall woman as she stood above the noisy crowd; all he could make out was a white hat. His eyes widen, it was her! He hadn’t seen Madame Mirage since the Gotham Military Ball; Ryan politely but forcefully pushed himself through the crowd and over to the mysterious woman.
Wow! Ryan couldn’t believe his eyes as he walked up behind her; she was filling the tight white strapless evening dress more than she did the last time. Wolf cleared the last dancing obstacle and made a beeline for the friend he hadn’t seen in several months; he was just a few steps from her when she suddenly turned around and smugly smiled, “Lieutenant Ryan Wolf.”
He gazed upon her veiled porcelain face; he realized it wasn’t her, but someone else he hadn’t seen in a long time. Ryan smiled nonetheless, “May I buy you a glass of our finest red wine…Madame?”
She offered her white gloved hand, “I’d be delighted, handsome.”
Meanwhile the ever perky Aspen Matthews bounced over to the bar and sat down next to Chp. She fanned herself and ordered a pink fizzy drink complete with the gratuitous yellow umbrella. Lady White smiled and bent over, nearly spilling out of her flimsy purple pirate top; giving the Green Lantern another eyeful of human female cleavage. She stood up and started to mix Aspen’s order; her Mt. Fujis giggling as she shook the adult beverage mixture.
Chp looked over at Aspen, he noticed that she was only wearing two tiny seashells on her breasts; he looked over at Tara, she too was sporting cleavage. He thought back to his conversation with Bluey and Tara the previous Halloween; human female breasts, male squirrels showing off their nuts, and mating season.
Lady Patch Eyed White set the pink drink down in front of the smexy mermaid, “Here you are Aspen-sama!” A scant second later her manners kicked in, “Aspen-sama, this Chp,” she warmly smiled as she formally introduced the two.
“Hiya!” Chp smiled as he waved his hand.
The lovely petite Miss Matthews suddenly got all dreamy eyed as she gazed upon the cute little furry squirrel, “Oh my God! Chp! I always wanted to meet you,” she exclaimed as she put her pink tropical fizzy drink down. “You’re cuter in person!”
Chp was now officially confused. The little furry hero glanced back at forth at the copious amounts of cleavage that was on display; Tara, White, and now the ever chipper Aspen. The rodent superhero continued to ponder the conversation between him, Tara, and Blue about nuts in squirrel mating season. The cute squirrel cleared his throat and asked as he continued to glance between the powerful women, “Ladies, with all due respect, is it human mating season?”
Pirate White blushed hard, Tara looked the other way, and Aspen busted out laughing. White put her head down as Aspen continued to laugh as though she were part of Joker’s henchmen. The Dark Wolf looked down and pulled her crimson red bustier up to wear she was showing a hint of cleavage. She warmly smiled, “Chp, we mate year around,” she stopped and mumbled, “Except for that certain time…”
Meanwhile Ryan was sitting the glass of red wine in front of the veiled goddess; he sat down in front of her with his ice drink in hand. She flashed him a curious look, “What’s that?”
“Oh this? It’s pumpkin juice,” he replied with a sheepish grin.
“I see you’re secured with your manhood,” the grinning goddess stated, “I thought a man of your sexual prowess wouldn’t be caught dead drinking a tooty fruity drink.”
Ryan looked both ways and then leaned over the table, “Gotta ferry an F-18 to England in 48 hours.” He nodded his head as he sat back down as buxom brunette flashed a smug smile.
She raised her glass of poison and offered a toast, “To red eyes!”
***
A mysterious eerie fog bank had moved in, a dark curvy feminine figure could be seen as it walked through the dense murkiness. Vampirella emerged from the cool dark vapor, she stopped and looked around; the breathtaking vampiress felt something odd.
The voluptuous raven haired vampire’s dazzling emerald eyes easily pierced the creepy soup as she gazed around. Unfortunately, her eyes should’ve gazed down; a large pumpkin vine began to slowly wrap itself around her black boot. The temperature began to plummet as she stood there totally unaware of the danger snaking up her long sexy silky leg.
Vampirella continued to glance around the cemetery; satisfied that nothing was there she turned to walk away. Her leg, however, stayed stationary. Vampirella looked down to see a rotting viny hand grasped a hold of her boot. She gave a firm determined yank, the foot held and she fell forward.
She caught herself atop of a tombstone; the horrified woman looked back to see another hand grabbing her attire and begin to slide the flimsy material off her delicious hip. Vampi grabbed hold of her string and played tug-a-war with it until another hand reached up and nearly stripped her naked; her plump left breast swung freely as she struggled to keep herself semiclothed.
She hissed as she gazed down upon the unwelcomed foul hand. Her eyes turned dark as coal as she heard a sinister laugh off in the distance, “Ah-ha-ha-ha! Ah-ha-ha-ha!! Ah-ha-ha-ha!!!”
“It was the Pumpkin King!” the reluctant pirate ninja nervously proclaimed.
“There’s no such thing as the Pumpkin King,” a curt Ryan countered his prized PAM student.
The tenacious fair ninja shook her pretty white head, “Uh-huh!”
“White-chan,” he huffed. “He’s a figment of Dana Tan’s imagination; she told me she created the legend of the Pumpkin King up to keep Bluey out of the pumpkin patch. It’s where she hides all of her Halloween candy,” Ryan confessed to his PAM student.
The giggling Wonder Wolf quietly excused herself as Ryan explained away yet another local legend and walked towards the back of the bar. She stopped at a locked wooden door and gazed back at the noisy raucous scene. The Dark Jedi smirked and clicked her fingers; the lights went out as the noisy level increased.
“Hey Ryan! Did Bluey forget to pay the light bill again?” a voice shouted.
“Good ol’ Bluey!” another chimed in.
The giggling Sith babe entered into the room and closed the door as the ribbing of Lady Blue continued. She shut the door and snapped her fingers; the lights came back on much to the joy of the Halloween revelers. Darth Wolf laughed a low evil laugh as she gazed upon the gurgling cauldron that sat in front of her.
She leaned over and sniffed the boiling ninja brew; the fresh batch was almost ready. Her smile grew wider; with Dana Tan gone Tara could make a mint selling the contraband. She grabbed a stick and gave the gurgling concoction a few more twirls; satisfied she put the stick down and greedily rubbed her hands together.
The backdoor opened as she readied the empty parched kegs. Tara kept her back to the door as she muttered, “’Bout time you got here Blue-sama, the ninja brew is ready!”
Suddenly the fair Sith babe’s face was thrown into the alcohol; a strong hand kept her head in the vat as she valiantly fought back. Her face was picked up; she took a breath before her head was plunged back down into the ninja brew. She fought hard, but Tara wasn’t Wonder Woman; she was only physically strong as an average woman. Despite being a Force User the lack of oxygen, ninja brew, and the strong smell of alcohol was over powering the woman.
Tara gasped for breath as her head was picked up again. Her eyes were blood red and glassy; her groggy goddess face was again slammed into the alcohol. Her attacker shoved her further down and then tossed her back; her eyes rolled back as she entered Nevermore Land.
The She-Wolf fell limp; the assailant easily picked her up into his strong arms and walked her out the secret back door. Her attacker was revealed to be the supposedly figment of Dana Tan’s imagination: The Pumpkin King. The dreaded mystical fruit carried her over to the short distance to his sacred pumpkin patch.
The evil pumpkin stood her up next to a tree; vines quickly wrapped around the sleeping wonder’s ankles, long legs, arms and chest. The Raven Wolf’s head drooped down; he placed his hand under her chin and picked up her heavy head. He smiled his fiery smile, “Sleep well, Wonder Woman, for when you awake I will use your magic lasso to compel you to fight Vampirella. The winner will become my queen; the other will become our mindless minion.” He released her chin; her head fell as the king cackled. His laughter grew louder; the dastardly fruity villain threw his head back and exploded into laughter as his fiery breath leaped twenty feet into the air, “AH-HA-HA-HA! AH-HA-HA-HA!! AH-HA-HA-HA!!!”
***
“Thank you my dear...I think I'm going to need tit,” he replied.
Tit? Vampirella looked at him funny as she put her protein shake down. She slightly tilted her silky raven head, “Hey, Ryan says that! Are you?”
“Oops! I'm sorry, it was a slip of the tongue, honest. Just a Freudian slip my dear, that’s all. I was distracted by your plump breasticals, so I said, ‘Tit.’ I’m sorry.” He saw that she was not buying the explanation; the Pumpkin King quickly grabbed Vampi. He threw the scantily clad vampiress over his strong shoulder and sprinted towards the before she could reveal Ryan's dark secret: Ryan and the Pumpkin King are one in the same.
Vampirella reached out with her hand and screamed, “Ryan is the Pumpkin King! Ryan’s the Pumpkin King!” She was about to announce it a third time when a vine wrap around Vampirella’s mouth, silencing the heroine. She reached up to pull it from her mouth only to have another vine wrap around her wrists.
The partiers started screaming as saw the grotesquely carved heinously laughing pumpkin running their way. The Pumpkin King was real and he was in their midst. They panicked ran for their lives and trampled upon each other as they push and shoved each other as they fumbled for the exits.
Lady White and Lady Blue watched in utter disbelief as the Pumpkin King sprinted by them with Vampirella, now with her wrists bound by vines, over his shoulder. They looked at each other and blinked as mass chaos once again swallowed Lady Blue’s Tavern, like what else is new?
“Ryan-kun?”
“Ryan-chan?”
Aspen burst over to the disbelieving kunoichis; she leaned over the bar, “Ryan can’t be him…can he?” she asked and turned her back at the massive chaotic exodus that was transpiring.
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