Happy Birthday Miami!

Pop Quiz

Twas Valentine’s Day and love was in the air except around me. I was sulking as if I was Tom Brady and had lost yet another Super Bowl to Eli Manning. I was a real sour puss I tell you.

Defending Western Civilization can be such a bear, especially on a holiday. The over grown toaster ovens, known as the Decepticons, had reared their uglee heads. They decided to attack my hometown of Miami. My squadron was called to duty, needless to say I had to cancel all my Valentine's Day plans and defend my native Miami.

Worse part of winning the day, I only had a tease of my home, seeing it from above. I had to leave the fun and the sun, the bikini babes and return to icy cold snowy New Jersey, the armpit of the northeast. I was dejected, seeing paradise from afar and returning to the bitter frigid purgatory that is Gotham. I started to quietly pout. I pouted harder as I realized I never even caught a fleeting glimpse of South Florida’s newest superheroine: the fiery Amazing Woman. I gazed at my feet the entire time I flew back to Gotham as I sat quietly in the cockpit.

I continued my moping as my exhausted bird pulled into her armored nest. I did my best Tom Brady impersonation as I walked away, keeping my depressed head down as I headed off for the debriefing. I kept my head down there too, sulking over the fact that I had to cancel a dinner with a Gotham goddess. Ironic I was bemoaning leaving Miami for the accursed Gotham, eh?

I was still sitting at my locker when the squadron went off to celebrate the victory, stewing away. I finally looked up as I heard the door close. I closed my eyes and growled a ominous growl that would've made the brass think I was a real true blooded werewolf. I decided to drown my pathetic sorrow and go on a Coca-Cola binge.

***

I reached inside my refrigerator without even looking in. I grimaced and untwisted the cap. I closed my eyes and took a big gulp of my all time favorite beverage. I knew something was amiss when that ice cold caffeine laced drink kissed my parched taste buds. It tasted good, but it was too sweet to be Coke; a taste I hadn't tasted since I was a young Wolf pup.

I opened my eyes as I put my arm out. I deduced I was drinking Pepsi, I saw that Sherlock Holmes would've been happy to see me make a successful conclusion as that. The wrapper stated I was drinking a throwback Pepsi, made with real sugar! "Pepsi," I mouthed and slowly gazed into the ‘frigerator.

I blinked not once, not twice, not thrice, but four times. The entire refrigerator was fully stocked of retro Pepsi. My six pack of Coca-Cola had been brazenly removed by someone. I closed the door and glanced around the kitchen, everything seemed to be in place. Satisfied I started to search my humble abode.

My autographed photos of Kelly, Jaime, Lilly, Kylee, and Amy were still hanging above my computer. I always like to have a sexy reminder of balmy South Florida when I use the 'puter. I smiled and left the photos of the Miami Dolphin cheerleaders and headed towards my bedroom. I stopped as I saw the door ajar and light knifing the darkness.

I cautiously opened the door and saw a ghost. A sexy ghost. A kunoichi ghost. A kunoichi murderous ghost only wearing a hot pink thong. The smexy spectre was lying on my bed reading my Birds of Prey comic books. The Legendary Dana Tan ignored me as she continued to nonchalantly read my comic book as I stood there...dumbfounded, speechless.

A humming Dana leafed through another colorful action packed page before her luscious red lips asked without picking up her head, "What's the matter Ry-Ry, never seen me topless before?"

I had seen Dana topless many times...it was the fact that I had never ever seen her topless in the past two years or better yet; not seeing her at all since her mysterious disappearance. "Lot's of times, Dana," I blankly stated as I my eyes wandered all over her as she continued to read my comic book. "But not in the last two years and in my bed." I momentarily paused and finished by saying something stupid, stupid as in what a green rookie would say, "Why are you reading my comic books in my bed?"

The annoyed ninja finished reading and closed the last purple page. Her eyes narrowed and glared at me. She rolled over onto her side, placed her soft hand on her hip; striking a perfect seductive pose. "Pop Quiz for the so called Superheroine Sidekick Extraordinaire. It's Valentine's Day and the woman you haven't seen in two years is in your bed only wearing the pink thong she teased you so much in-"

I broke the sound barrier running into the kitchen. In a flash I grabbed two ice cold Pepsis and ran back into my bedroom. I rushed in and sat down next to Dana. I handed over a Pepsi to my sexy friend. "I have some apple cider donut dough frozen at Sedux. I'll make a fresh batch in the morning.

"That's my Ry-Ry," Miss Murder purred as she opened her refreshing soda.

Elsewhere Akemi Shiori was busy disposing of the bodies. Lady Blue's alter ego was too busy to notice a pair of scarlet eyes appearing behind her. One was crisp, the other flickering as they grew larger. The voluptuous Japanese woman turned around to see a glaring snarling critically wounded Megatron.

"Fleshling. You owe me big time!" he lowly growled.

A bead of anime sweat appeared on Bluey's blue brow as she flashed a nervous cutesy smile, "Eh..."

Dogfighting over Downtown Miami

The action starts @ 22 seconds. I gotta get this game and protect my hometown!

Miami's Still Miami

People still won't pull over in another lane and let you in despite the fact that the Palmetto is desolate at 8:30 Sunday Morning. The lights on 167 Street are still not synchronized in North Miami Beach, the light on North Miami Ave turns green, scant seconds later the one on NE 2 Ave turns red. Typical Miami. It was a good thing it was early in the morning on Sunday or I might've been rear ended when I tried to pull into the Krispy Kreme parking lot, a stupid Lexus was blocking the entrance. He must've been texting, he looked up and said, "Oh!" He turned the steering wheel tight and still nearly took up the entrance and exit lanes. Yes, typical Miami driver.

I got my donuts and I drove back to my secret base in East Central Florida. I asked my sister to get some autographs on the Miami Dolphins Cheerleaders. I stated that they would make a great Christmas present. She said, "No."

Pooh. I think Santa Claus must've told her I made the Naughty List.

Ryan's Superheroine Sidekick Extraordinaire's Tip 305

Congratulations on graduating from Superheroine Sidekick Academy! Now comes the tough job of picking out what city you want to be in and the heroine's shapely rear you watch. Miami is the place to be. Miami Task Force always has the finest recruits. The current batch is no exception. Remember to keep in mind Miami has lots of temptations, be sure you are up to the task. If so, life in Miami can be very rewarding.

(Yes, 305 is the area code in Miami. I did this on purpose)

More Super Randi!

Here's another gratuitous photo of Super Randi cheering at the 2010 Pro Bowl in Miami; however, our heroine doesn't look too happy posing with the other girls. Perhaps she's heard the news that Mighty Melinda has been captured...again?

More Super Randi!

Houston Goddess in Miami

for Melinda

Mr. C!

Sunday my beloved Dolphins took on the San Francisco 49ers at warm but not so sunny Miami. I saw Santa Claus on the sideline cheering my Dolphins onto victory!

The Stadium, formerly known as Joe Robbie, is a hop, skip, and a jump from where I grew up. It was finished while I was away in the Army.

I just hope that Mrs. C didn't see him hanging around the cheerleaders or we just may finally have 'A Year without a Santa Claus'!

(Amy, my new fav all time MDC, is the girl at the far right.)