Ryan's Superheroine Sidekick Extraordinaire's Tip 365

It's New Years Eve and your goddess want to release some pent up energy, all work and no play makes her a very dull girl. Your job to make sure she doesn't suffer any embarrassing wardrobe malfunctions, the paparazzi will be waiting like blood lusting sharks. Lastly, if the two of you should take in a firework show, say, um, I dunno, Port Everglades and decide to make fireworks of your own; just make sure you turn off your dashboard camera. *Ahem*

(Keith Garvey Art)

Like...You Want Fries with That?

Something Lady Blue and I are working on. Enjoy.

***

It all started off as an innocent rescue mission. Tony Stark, the cheap playboy behind Iron Man, was banished to deep space by the Black Cat. The sexy feline was stealing an ancient Egyptian mystical artifact when Iron Man intervened. In a blinding flash of dazzling light...Iron Man was gone. Lady Blue and Darth Wolf set out to find Tony, but first a bite to eat. What in the Milky Way could possibly go wrong?

We join our heroines at Milliways, a kicking screaming hysterical Lady Blue is being dragged out by guards as Tara is out ice cold on the floor...

It wasn’t like Tara was a drunk, she was a woman who knew her limits. Four or Five Long Island Ice Teas would be plenty to get that warm fuzzy glassy blood shot eye feeling. Sadly after two our heroine promptly collapsed to the floor in a drunken stupor. Worse, it transpired a few minutes before the intergalactic police drug a struggling Bluey out.

The Vl’Hurg police picked up the inebriated Dark Jedi and drug her in the opposite direction of the kicking and screaming Lady Blue. The greedy corrupt police thugs recognized the petite dynamo the moment her and Blue-sama set foot inside the establishment. There was an intergalactic bench warrant out for her arrest as well as a bounty on her pretty little brunette head. All it took was one little exchange of the local currency and the barkeep spiked Tara’s drink.

The corrupt officers stripped her of EVERYTHING. They strapped a collar around her neck and left a box next to the sleeping Wolf. They tossed a sheet over her and allowed the drunk Sith to sleep it off as they examined her prized light sabre.

One of them activated it; it was a very moronic thing to do. Tara was still sleeping off her drug induced stupor to hear the blood curling agonizing scream of agony. The accursed humming purple weapon rolled into a corner as the Vl’Hurg picked up the cauterized limb as he screamed all the way to the infirmary.

The drugged Wolf slowly came out of her stupor. She shielded her sensitive eyes and glanced around the brightly lit room, even wincing she could see she was in a holding cell. “Bluey? What did you do now?” she moaned. She felt her elbow hit a box and a thump echoed in her cell.

Tara let the sheet slide off of her as she glanced down at the box. That’s when she realized that she was wearing her birthday suit, this was not kosher. The incensed Darth Wolf heard her light sabre humming in the corner. Naked or not, she was going to bust out of this galactic jail, she was an Imperial Commander after all.

The nude Wolf stood up and flicked her wrist open, calling her purple weapon of death. Her crony weapon committed mutiny, it refused to budge. Tara gritted her teeth and growled, “I said come to mommy!”

Inexplicably Tara felt the box nestling against her ankle, the shocked nude brunette glanced down and saw an envelope sitting atop a green outfit. She could see BLUE written in large blue letters. Tara knelt and picked up the envelope.

She sighed, closed her electric blue eyes and shook her head. Tara opened it and read aloud, “Put these clothes on or you will never see your blue haired friend again.” She huffed and crinkled the note. She reluctantly put the ‘outfit’ on. Her hunter green top had barely enough material to cover an American quarter. She then put on her matching skirt, it flowed freely down to her ankles. A single slit ran up her long shapely leg and right up to her well oiled hip.

“Sithspit,” she growled, “PK if you’re behind this I’m going to turn all your pumplings into pumpkin pie next Thanksgiving!”

At that time two Vidiians from the Delta Quadrant walked in. The two disfigured aliens picked up their instruments and scanned Tara. They looked at each other and nodded. “She’ll do quite nicely.”

Tara gnashed her angry teeth together, before she could fire off that she was an imperial officer of the galactic navy she threw her head back and screamed. A dazzling brilliant yellow energy field danced around her. She remembered her Dark Jedi training and attempted to feed off the pain to feed the Force, that’s when she finally felt the collar around her neck.

Her eyes slowly turned green as the yellow energy field ebbed. The roots of her silky hair turned green, slowly the greenness swam up to her ends. Tara sank to her knees, breathing heavily. She panted heavily as she leaned forward onto her hands. She closed her eyes and took several rapid shallow breaths. She opened them and saw the shock of her young life…her hands were turning green...

News from Tampa Bay

I'm reading reports on various Tampa Bay Buccaneer websites stating that 5 year Vet Britney Craine will not be coming back. Ms. Craine is the victim of the Bucs 5 year term limit. Unless the Bucs throw it out she will not be coming back. Meagan Pravden, in case you're wondering, has 3 years of eligibility left.

Pic from Jackson 1245 flickr account

A Miami Christmas

More can be found at here: http://dolfanred.blogspot.com/2011/12/merry-christmas-dolfans.html

Merry Christmas to the US Armed Forces

Happy Christmas Eve's Eve

Santa was so backlogged that he asked Amy to help out!

Ryan's Superheroine Sidekick Extraordinaire's Tip #355

It's December 21, the longest night of the year in the northern hemisphere. Don't FORGET the mistletoe!

MDCs Visit Fort Carson, Co

The writer behind this page and Lt. Ryan Wolf was stationed at Fort Carson, Colorado during the late '80s. I would like to publicly thank the Miami Dolphins and the Miami Dolphin Cheerleaders for visiting the base and spreading Christmas Cheer during this Christmas season.

I was denied leave, I was 2.5 days short and was denied leave that Christmas. I can attest that lonely homesick feeling you get being thousands of miles from home on Christmas. That phone call home doesn't cut it nor that free Christmas meal at the mess hall. It's a price many armed service personnel pay this time of the year. I'm very happy to see the Dolphin Cheerleaders helping ease some holiday pain in 2011.

Again a big Miami thanks to Kiley, Amy, Candi, and Kylee for doing their part this Christmas. You girls are FINTASTIC!

Merry Christmas from Miami!

Miami's newest Lily wishes you a Merry Christmas!

The Ghost of Christmas Moose Part IV

The dazed not-so-rabid warrior lifted up her heavy head and saw Ryan wearing only a hot pink bathrobe wrapped around his waist. She blushed hard and looked down at the tile, “Oh Ryan-kun!” The blushing Japanese woman looked up and much to her shock saw best friend and fiercest competitor, Dana Tan standing at the other end only wearing Ryan’s US Navy issued PT shirt. The petite ninja was practically swimming in it.

“I’m glad to see you’re secured enough in your manhood to wear pink,” she smirked as she walked over to him. She wrapped her soft arms around him; the New Year’s fireworks started early as they passionately kissed. She placed her hands on his cheek and pulled away just long enough to purr, “Merry Christmas, babe.”

Lady Blue’s mouth ever so slowly fell to the floor as she witnessed the spectacle. This is what she had hoped, planned, schemed, conspired for; even this was too shocking for her to see. She thought the whole world was going to end in some sort of cosmic calamity as Dana deftly removed his towel.

The embarrassed Blue turned around only to hear the sound of Dana agonizing in pain. She quickly turned her head around and saw Ch’p, the cutest Green Lantern Squirrel in the Milky Way; Croc; Captain America; Lady White; and a host of other Club Seduction regulars standing in a waiting room. Killer Croc was busy passing out the cigars as Dana continued to scream out.

Poor Ch’p was confused, the Green Lantern Squirrel gazed upon the long stogey and queried, “What’s this for?”

“Its tradition!” a boisterous Croc proclaimed.

“But Dana’s having a girl,” Ch’p replied as he tilted his head at the long dried out tobacco leaf.

“Fine!” Croc snapped as he ripped the cigars from people’s hands, “I’ll smoke ‘em all myself!”

Dana was screaming bloody tan murder in the delivery room; the brave blue haired kunoichi timidly peered inside as the screams turned into shrieks of pain.

“You did this to me!” Dana thundered as she dug her nails into Ryan’s hands, “You just couldn’t keep it in your pants.” She stopped and gnashed her teeth together, nearly biting her tongue in two as another intense round of pain struck.

“Like it’s my fault that you oil wrestled your evil twin while wearing that skimpy hot pink thong of yours,” he calmly replied. Lady Blue had tricked Dana into entering the Transmorigifier she borrowed from Calvin and Hobbs in hopes of boosting the profit margin for Club Seduction. Bluey split Dana into two separate nearly identical beings; one being good, the other evil, very reminiscent of a Star Trek re-run, the Good Dana prevailed.

The evil Dana ran away and swore revenge; she was about to annihilate Atlanta with a Hydrogen bomb when Ch’p, the cutest dreamiest Green Lantern squirrel in the Milky Way and Tara le Fay, a Dark Jedi from the Star Wars Universe, saved the day. The duo combined their powers and merged the two kunoichis back together.

Another excruciating wave of pain shot through the sweating Dana; she grabbed Ryan by his shirt and pulled him down to her snarling face. Dana gnashed her teeth together and growled, “Babe, you said you couldn’t get me PREGNANT!"

Again Ryan coolly addressed his delusional wife, “White-sama said that Bluey accidentally gave me the antidote…”

Lady Blue puckered her lips, “Oops,” and blushed very hard; she looked about her and quietly stepped outside.

“ANTI-DO-!” the growling She-Wolf yelped in pain and gave birth to her first born pup. She took a couple of deep calming breaths and gently placed her tired hand on Ryan’s cheek. “I’m going to kill Bluey,” she calmly stated.

Lady Blue walked into an empty Blue’s Tavern, except for Ryan and Dana at the counter. The confused sandalwood blue haired angel gazed back at the door and then her two best friends; it was as if she had never left. She saw Ryan beginning to kneel...KNEEL! Ryan was going to propose to Dana right then and there. The kunoichi could barely contain herself, like, what else is new?

The ninja was so overcome with joy that she began to shake and shiver as she placed her ball fists up to her chin. It was finally going to pay off; all those long nights planning and scheming as well as running up Dana’s credit cards were finally going to show fruition!

A bouncing Blue rushed up to the counter; she bounced and bounced as she squealed like a young Japanese girl, “Dana and Ryan’s getting married! Ryan-kun and Dana-kins are going to get married and have a little girl! I’m going to be Auntie Bluey!” Ryan and Dana sat there in stunned silence as Blue continued to bounce around. The still bouncing kunoichi grabbed Dana’s hand and excitedly asked, “May I be the Girl of Honor? Huh? Huh? May I?

“Bluey,” Dana replied giving her a strange look.

“Oh, I can’t wait,” the happily bouncing blue haired buxom ninja smiled as she continued to jump and clap her hands.

“Blue-chan! We’re not getting married.” Ryan’s voice was drowned out by Blue’s happy clapping. He looked over at Dana and shook his head.

Dana put her hand on Blue’s wrist, “We’re not getting married…”

Again Blue was too busy dancing and clapping to hear Dana; seconds later Dana and Ryan joined forces, “Bluey!!!!!!!”

Meanwhile, outside in the blizzard that crazy jerky Bull Moose peered inside the window as the snow fell harder. He snickered as he turned around to face you; with a friendly blink he was off and running back into the snowy Haunted Woods.

The End.

A Very Gotham Christmas

 

 

I first would like to thank Lady Blue, Space Chick, and Tara for their help in this.  

 

*** 

Twas the night before Christmas and all through Gotham not a person was celebrating, for Santa Claus, the jolly old elf, was not coming! Visions of sugar plum had been replaced with sugar gloom; Lady Blue had sealed Gotham’s Yule Tide doom. 

Twas an accident, a very understandable accident; Lady Blue zapped the North Pole’s power grid. She killed the power dude in the process, she did. Santa had no electricity and no toys, Santa became a killjoy. Gotham would get no toys. 

The whole incident was totally insane. The legendary Lady Blue killed that man with a triple red stripped candy cane right out in the middle of the gum drop plain. Right next to the plane on 1224 Mistletoe Lane. 

The mortified legendary ninja was Santa’s Number One fan! She was trying to stop pirates from ruining Christmas, she didn’t mean to kill that electric man. Now the buxom blue haired ninja babe was in a holiday jam! 

Santa was mad, Gotham as sad, the Pumpkin King was glad! Finally that blithering incompetent pumpkin murder would have coal stuffed down his stocking! All because of his air headed blue haired ninja he had that fling. It was good to be the king! 

Poor Lieutenant Commander Ryan for he wasn’t lyin’. He had the lovely Jaime, fan favorite Lilly, and little Kelly’s autograph. He would not be getting favorite of all time, the autograph of the voluptuous fiery Amy. 

Lady White was such a pretty sight as she was bathed in the red and green light. She thought that Santa would surely forgive her sensei’s Yule Tide blight and take his Christmas flight. He had too, Gotham was full of fear, it needed some Christmas cheer on this night! 

Dana Tan was as another kunoichi of legendary fame. She was cursing Lady Blue’s name. She knew her best friend and fiercest competitor was to blame. Christmas was more than a silly pirate vs. ninja game, killing a power man, how lame! 

 Ch'p, the extraterrestrial Green Lantern squirrel, to the ladies of Gotham he was the dreamiest of all. He picked up a phone and made a call, for he was on the ball. All he wanted was to spread Christmas cheer for all! 

The poor squirrel became deeply depress, when Lady Blue did confess, that she was the cause of this whole holiday mess! An idea, Ch'p would attest, sprung from Lady Blue's ADHD infected head of bless, would her Sith friend be up to the test? 

Her name was Tara le Fay and was in dismay. She vowed come what may that Santa would come to rue this day. She would find a way for Santa to sway, Gotham should not have to pay on this joyous holiday. 

Darth Wolf's lovely exterior hid the devious heart over saturated with sin. It was time for her to show a little skin. She wore a skimpy Christmas red negligee with fluffy Christmas white trim. She sat upon a festive gift wrapped box, looking so naughty and prim. 

Onto her chair, the Dark Jedi did hop. She quickly fired up her laptop and saved Christmas with one single scandalous photoshop. Her nimble fingers made a holiday cyber mess that not even Santa could mop. 

Oh the perfidy thought Mr. C. It was plain to see that this was a professional forgery. Still, he didn't want Mrs. C. to see. Her heart would not be filled with Christmas glee and he would be forced to flee right up a Christmas tree! 

A Long Island Tea Tara did crave, all this hard work making Santa cave like a knave. Joyful Boys and girl cheered and waved on the streets with snowy white pave. A very Gotham Christmas she did save.

Oh...My...Gawd

I take a temporary break from Christmas to post this stunning pic from Miami's 34-14 spanking of the Raiders.

Merry Christmas from Miami!

We take a break from the Ghost of Christmoose today and focus on one of my fav all time MDC...Lilly Robbins!

And The Wheels Came Off

The afternoon started off great, Fox showed my fav MDC Amy dancing in her little Santa suit just before kickoff of the Eagles vs Dolphins game. Moments later Miami scored a touchdown and the cameras zoomed in on Amy as she danced and shook her little aqua and orange pom poms. Life was good.

I had visitors to my super secret heroine support base so I turned the TV off with Miami attempting to go up 10-0. However, after my party left I turned it back on only utter a thunderous, "What the Foxtrot?!!??"

The score was 24-7, Philly, with seconds to go until halftime. Sigh. That's all I'll say here. I'll blog my true stuff for my Miami Dolphin blog.

The Ghost of Christmas Moose Part III

Blue tackled the monstrous antlered jolly beast; the two rolled in the bitter cold snow before Blue realized she was in the ball pit of Captain Pepperoni Pizza Emporium. The very same place Tara wanted the buxom kunoichi to help chaperone a birthday party. She saw Darth Wolf’s young pups having a ball; a drop of anime sweat beaded from her head. The valiant nervous ninja scanned for someone to get her out of this jam; she spotted Ryan and Dana sharing a brief kiss as they kept their watchful, well, that’s debatable, eyes on the children.

Dana looked down at Ryan’s lap and smirked; she looked up and said, “Really babe.”

Her Wolf was perplexed, “What?”

“You couldn’t wait to get me home,” she continued to smirk as he gazed seductively into his eyes.

“Get home and?” the puzzled pilot replied as leaned his head towards her.

The sexy imp picked up a napkin, “You creamed in your pants Ryan; you couldn’t wait to get me home, could you?” She smirked as her frisky hand wiped the pudding off his lap. The pilot closed his eyes and took a deep breath as her hand did something else; he leaned in and the two shared a passionate kiss.

Seeing them kiss again isn’t what got Bluey out of that ball pit; the fair kunoichi saw a slice of pepperoni pizza in front of Ryan. Ryan-kun couldn’t have pepperoni pizza; it gave him acid reflux as well as triggering other ghastly bodily functions, not to mention head pounding nauseating migraines! Bluey stormed out of that pit with her arms wildly flinging by her sides; the enraged ninja was going to give him and her a piece of her ADHD mind…he should know better and she should know better for letting him!

Dana rained on Blue’s parade as she picked up the slice of pizza and took a bite. Mt. Saint Bluey stopped and took a deep sigh of relief; then she smiled as she saw that Dana had wrapped her soft arm around Ryan’s neck. Could it be? Could it be true? Ryan and Dana were finally going to hook up?!?!?

The two love birds shared another kiss; Blue balled her fists and placed them on her thick curvy hips, “Hey you two...don’t make a spectacle out of yourselves, there’s people watching…namely me!”

Ryan broke away and took a sip of water; Dana snuggled into his hard chiseled chest as she watched the children play. Wolf put his glass down and kissed Miss Murder’s silky hair. Lady Blue was incensed that her two best friends were ignoring her; she cleared her throat and waved her hand, “Yoo-hoo, Ryan-kun…Dana-kins,” Bluey paused as she continued to wave her hand, “I’m over here…”

Ryan and Dana didn’t even blink; black toxic smoke billowed from her ears as she gnashed her teeth. She shouted a few choice words in Japanese, which weren’t nice, and hurled herself at her former best friends. Blue flew right threw them and landed hard on a bathroom tiled floor.

Santa's Sleigh

The Ghost of Christmas Moose Part II

Part 1 can be found here: http://thewolfswoof.blogspot.com/2008/12/this-is-my-christmas-story-for-2008.html

Yes, 2008 was three years, better late than never? This would also be a good time to cue Sarajevo 24/7 by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra.

***

Lady Blue wildly swung her balled fist into the air as she continued to follow the crazy jerky moose. The angry kunoichi snarled, “I killed you before, I’ll kill you again!” as she raced into an opening. The skillful ninja lost track of the moose as the snow fell harder; Blue looked around and saw a snowman standing in the middle of nowhere.

She blinked her violet eyes as she saw the snowman smile at her; she shook her pretty little blue head that was quickly piling up with white puffs of gentle snow. He continued to smile as his stick arm motioned for her to come over.

Behind the snowman a stood an old fashion drive thru movie wall; it turned to black as Blue neared. An HD movie with state-of-the-art surround sound began to play; Blue saw a tiny sleigh with nine reindeer flying through the dark skies, a US Navy fighter was escorting the sleigh as The Trans-Siberian Orchestra’s Sarajevo 24/7 began to ominously play.

Suddenly she heard Ryan’s desperate voice over a menacing tone, “Santa! Can you get Rudolph to turn off his nose?”

“Sorry lad, he can’t,” Santa replied just before Ryan’s HUD turned a deep crimson red.

“Missile warning, Missile warning,” a soft voice repeated over in his helmet as the words blinked on his HUD.

“Incoming!” Ryan thundered and pulled his F/A-37 Talon into a sharp turn away from Santa; his nimble fighter belched flares and a chaff cloud as it raced away from Saint Nick. The QSAM (Quick-maneuvering Surface-to-Air Missile) locked onto the US Navy fighter and streaked away from the Jolly Ol’ Elf and his reindeer.

“Doom must really be peeved at me,” Ryan thought as he experienced chest crushing G-forces. Wolf huffed and grunted as the deadly missile neared; his bird shrieked as she continued to turn tighter than her engineers designed her to. Cold air vortexes formed on her wings as she continued her conga dance with Doom’s bucket of coal.

The Talon came around in front of Santa and the boys; a pleasant ringing tone was intermingled with the “Missile Warning,” that echoed in his helmet. It was so intermingled that Ryan didn’t hear it at first, but when he heard it, it was sweet: His bird had locked onto the Latverian defense site.

A sleeping AGM-88 Harm missile dropped from his weapon’s carousel; it awoke and blazed a fiery smoky path down to the earth. It gave the Latverian defense installation the kiss of death, the installation disappeared into a fiery fireball that could be seen for hundreds of miles in the cold air.

“ALL CLEAR SANTA!” the jubilant US lieutenant shouted.

“Thank you Ryan,” a relieved Santa smiled, “By the way, you’ve never told me what you wanted for Christmas.”

“For Dana Tan to give me the time of day,” Ryan promptly replied.

Blue’s little heart broke as she watched; her best friend, Dana Tan, was notoriously bad on teasing her Ryan-kun. A little tear formed at the edge of her sad violet eye and slowly ran down her soft face. The tear turned into ice as it dropped from Blue’s angelic face.

“Ryan, that’s not up to me; it’s up to Dana,” Santa countered as the classified US air superiority fighter banked away.

Lady Blue sighed and was whacked with the head of the now decapitated snowman; the laughing moose put his massive back legs down and bounded away into the blinding snow storm. She envisioned bloody moose entrails littering the snow white landscape as she wiped the snowman’s head from her violet eyes; her anger melted the snow that lay on her silky sandalwood scented blue hair. Visions of moose jerky danced in her mind’s eye as fiery red stacks of smoke poured from her angry ears. She pulled out her trusty katana, again, from goodness knows where; she thundered her battle cry and lunged for the snickering Bull Moose.

Miami's Still Miami

People still won't pull over in another lane and let you in despite the fact that the Palmetto is desolate at 8:30 Sunday Morning. The lights on 167 Street are still not synchronized in North Miami Beach, the light on North Miami Ave turns green, scant seconds later the one on NE 2 Ave turns red. Typical Miami. It was a good thing it was early in the morning on Sunday or I might've been rear ended when I tried to pull into the Krispy Kreme parking lot, a stupid Lexus was blocking the entrance. He must've been texting, he looked up and said, "Oh!" He turned the steering wheel tight and still nearly took up the entrance and exit lanes. Yes, typical Miami driver.

I got my donuts and I drove back to my secret base in East Central Florida. I asked my sister to get some autographs on the Miami Dolphins Cheerleaders. I stated that they would make a great Christmas present. She said, "No."

Pooh. I think Santa Claus must've told her I made the Naughty List.

Mr C!

Santa Claus is making his list and checking it twice and I'm officially on the Naughty List. I have no idea how that happen. Me firing a live AIM-X-250 at Wonder Woman was a big misunderstanding back in January, it was a SHIELD exercise. Plus I received a promotion for that, thank you Black Widow!

I helped rid the world of Khadaphi. I led the Camel Express, bombing his fragile infrastructure. I helped rid the world of a tyrannical despot and I still made the Naughty List?

I rescued several heroines from harrowing situations and was handsomely rewarded for it too. Ultra Woman and I teamed up to stop the Villainess and her sexy evil hench-babe. Not once did I reveal the classified location of the Heroine HQ nor did I take advantage of Tania.

Sigh. I have 24 days to atone for my supposed naughtyness. Maybe I should ask Amy to put in the good word for me. Santa has a thing for her as well as the rest of the Miami Dolphin Cheerleaders...who can blame him?

Task Force Miami Update!

Ashley is getting in the Christmas spirit in Miami. Soon she'll be patrolling the Triple A in downtown Miami as the Heat embark on a strike-shortened 2011-2012 season.

'Tis the Season

Being a Cold War vet (For those of you reading in Port St. Lucie...Yes, I just dated myself) this time of the year can be trying. Denied leave and being stuck thousands of miles from home isn't a happy thought, but a sobering reality for some. Merry Christmas to those in the US armed forces.

Blue Friday

My 2007 Black Friday Story

***

It was the Friday after Thanksgiving, Black Friday; without any fanfare my F-37 landed at Cape Canaveral AFB at 0 Dark 30. Her every taxi move was mirrored by two AH-64 Apache Longbow helicopters as they flew escort. They thundered away as the doors of the secure hangar were shut tight; my bird stopped as Air Force airmen rushed up to my exhausted bird. They could clearly read on the fuselage the black words, "Blue-chan."

I crawled down my ladder and ran my fingers across the black letters; I smiled as I looked at the words. I turned around and walked out the building; once I was outside I was whisked away in an armored Hummer and taken to my classified meeting.

Moments later I was inside the colossal Vehicle Assembly Building (VAB) at the Kennedy Space Center, the majestic Space Shuttle Atlantis was there awaiting her next launch into cold space. I got goose bumps as I thought what might be in ten years: Staring at the Orion rocket, the one that would take America back to the moon, with me commanding the mission.

As I pondered the future I smelled a hint of sweet smell. I took a sniff, it smelled like sandalwood. SANDLEWOOD! My eyes opened wide with frightful delight. I mean, I love her to pieces; I named my F-37 after her, but she couldn't be here. This was a classified mission, if anyone saw her; I was in deep doo doo!

I turned around as the smell of sandalwood grew stronger, I flashed a nervous smile as I heard a whisper, "Psst, Ryan-kun!" At this moment I knew exactly what Larry Hagman's character, Major Nelson, on 'I Dream of Jeannie' felt whenever Jeannie popped out in the middle of nowhere. Where ever my precious Blue-chan went, hijinx would quickly ensue.

I saw Blue smiling and waving from behind a stack of boxes, she wore a white NASA hat over her silky blue hair. I looked around to see if anyone was there and ran over to the box. I gritted my teeth and lowly growled, "Blue-chan, what are you doing here?!?"

"I have to protect you, Ryan-kun," she replied utterly clueless of my anger.

"I'm on the most fortified base in America, I'm completely safe here!" I countered.

"Ryan-kun," she chided me as she shook her pretty little blue head. She placed her warm soft hand on my cheek, "You still don't understand, Kunoichi's can penetrate anything they so choose."

"I'm supposed to be alone, if they see you here. I may be court-martialed!"

She smiled continuing to ignore or not seeing my point, "I can be your navigator."

"The F/A-37 doesn't have a navigator!"

"Oh," she blankly replied and looked away. She looked back and me and smiled, "I'll be your crew chief!" She pointed to her hat, "See, I even have a hat!" Blue pulled it off and her silky sandalwood scented hair gracefully fell to her shoulders.

I closed my eyes as she uttered, "Whoops."

I opened them and sternly said, "No!"

Blue's pretty violet eyes became misty, she gave me her sad puppy dog look; she stuck out her bottom lip, it quivered. Oh, how I hate that look! It makes me do things I know I'm going to regret; at times I'd rather swim through a boiling acid sea, have lemon juice poured over a paper cut, or listen to an entire Yoko Ono album than give in. I took a deep breath, stood firm and proceeded to collapse like a house of cards, "Ok, crew chief."

Blue closed her eyes as she clapped her hands together and squealed like an anime/manga cartoon babe. She gave me a big hug and kissed me, "Thank you Ryan-kun!"

Suddenly we heard a, "Lieutenant Wolf!"

Blue scrambled to put her hair back in place under the hat as I walked towards the mighty Atlantis. I looked back and Blue was gone; I breathed a sigh of relief and prayed that she'll do what she does best: Stay in the shadows and out of sight.

A team of secret service elves walked into the room, they all sported dark sunglasses. Each wore a black suit, white shirt, with a black tie; one of them held his ear and said, "All clear."

Seconds later the jolly old fat white bearded man of Christmas Cheer walked into the room, my classified mission of national security was now complete. His robust voice boomed, "Ho! Ho! Ho! Ryan! How are you lad?"

"I'm good Santa, you?" I innocently replied.

Santa gave me an all knowing look; he shook his head in disapproval, "Ryan. I'm Santa, I know all about you being naughty."

Whoops would be an understatement. I felt like I was shrinking in my flight suit and concurred, "Um, yes, you do."

He looked at me with a stern face and then continued, "Especially with Lima Alpha Delta Yankee Bravo Lima Umbrella Echo," he finished and gave me a little wink.

I snickered for a moment and replied, "Santa, why did you spell her name phonetically?"

"Because she mistook Rudolph for an elk a few Christmas Eve's ago," a wincing Santa replied. "He still gets the shakes when he hears 'Blue Christmas'."

"That's my girl..."

Santa and I changed the discussion to my Christmas Eve escort, Rudolph brought out some milk and cookies as we continued to chat away. I would have to run a few extra laps to burn off all those extra delicious calories, but hey, it's Christmas!

Suddenly there arose such a clatter; Santa and I sprang from our seat to see what the matter was. Then what to our wondering eyes did appear, a tied up blue haired woman and eight tiny elves. The blue haired woman was wrapped like a Christmas present, she squirmed as she protested, "But I was searching his sleigh for a bomb, honest!"

And the unbelieving lead elf replied as he dismissed her confession with the wave of his hand, "We hear it all the time."

I buried my face in my palm of my hand as they unceremoniously flopped the reluctant Blue Christmas present in front of Santa. I knew my commission in the Navy was just about to expire.

Santa looked down at the violet misty eyed woman, then looked up at me and queried, "Ryan?"

"Uh, this is my navigator," I caught myself and said with urgency, "No! She's my crew chie..." I stopped and looked at Santa; the look on his face said everything. I knew he wasn't buying my fib, I threw my arms down as I huffed the truth, "Ah, you know who she is!"

"Yes, I do," he answered and pulled out a little scroll. The little scroll unrolled and kept unrolling as it ran out the door, which was some fifty feet away, as he continued, "She's been very naughty girl."

"You don't know the half of it," I mumbled before I realized who I was talking to, "Then again, you do,” I finished as I scratched the back of my head. Blue put her head down, her cheeks turned red as she looked up at me with her eyes.

"But she hasn't been near as naughty as Dana," Santa laughed. "Release the lass!" he ordered and Lady Blue was freed.

Blue could not contain herself in the presence of Santa; she was one of his biggest fans. Lady Blue tackle glomped him into next Christmas Eve before his secret service elves had time to react. She attempted to wrap her petite arms around the robust Christmas icon, but couldn't. "SANTA!" she thundered as she gave him a big hug.

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa thundered as Blue gave him a hug. He warmly returned the hug; Blue sat on his knee and folded her hands in her lap. I watched in wonder as she became a little girl again, she looked so innocent as she talked to him.

Santa smiled and asked what she wanted for Christmas; Blue cupped her mouth as Santa leaned down. She whispered something that made his cheeks flush with red; Santa's eyes widen with shock as he looked at me.

Santa looked at her and winked his reply, "Lass, that's Ryan's department."

Blue sweetly giggled and turned to look at me; my sexy ninja jumped into the air and landed in my arms, "Where's the mistletoe when you need it," I commented.

Blue giggled and then gave me a soft kiss. I returned the kiss and gazed into her eyes. It didn't last long as she hopped out of my strong arms and drug me away from Santa, "Come on Ryan-kun! The Merritt Island Mega Mall closes in fourteen hours! We have so much shopping to do in so little time!"

Santa grabbed his jelly belly and laughed, "HO! HO! HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOODNIGHT!"

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! The NFL has a real treat for you today. Three football games to watch as you stuff yourself with that succulent turkey, creamy mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce (Yuck), stuffing, green beans, scrumptious pumpkin pie (don't forget the Cool Whip). I bet you can't guess which one I'll have my eyes glued to. *wink*

40,000 + Views!

Thank you! To celebrate here's a pic from Jaime Edmondson's latest playboy shoot. The 'U' never looked better.

No Wolf's Woof Champion?

Meagan is not happy. Amy is not happy. In fact, no one is happy. There's no champion anymore for Wolf's Woof! It must be a diabolical plot, has to be! My blog's stats (over 500 views in less than two days) have exploded like the Miami Dolphin offense the past three weeks, yet not one cheerleader appears in them. It'll do more searching to get the bottom of this. Something's not right.

Miami Wins!

Undaunted by the usurping Sooin Kim, Amy and the girls cheered Dolphins onto victory yesterday. Amazingly it's the first time since 2009 that Miami has won two straight at home. Unbelievable. To celebrate I'm posting yet another gratuitous pic my fav MDC. (I think it's her, found the pic in the NFL.com archives of 2009).

***

More Amy can be found here: http://dolfanred.blogspot.com/

Ryan's Superheroine Sidekick Extraordinaire's Tip 324

Your goddess is a distraction. She may not mean to be one, but she is. Always be on the top of your game in order to avoid financial disaster.

You know her strengths and weaknesses. You know that she melts like an ice cube in the scorching August Miami sun for a Krispy Kreme donut. It’s nice that you bought her a dozen donuts and gave them to her. Its better that she rewards you with a kiss. Naturally you return the kiss. She plants another kiss on your lips. Again you return it. Things heat up, clothes are shed and you two share a romantic moment.

It’s only natural. It’s only natural for you to forget those two $5 bills that are still in your pants pocket. It’s natural to pick up your pants and toss them into the dirty clothes hamper after your impromptu romantic encounter. It’s only natural for you two to share some afterglow in the shower. Chances are things might heat up again; naturally your change is an afterthought.

It’s also natural for you to repay her by doing the laundry. Remember to check your pants pocket for those $5 bills. If you don’t, you’ll be wondering what happened to them when you want to pay for another dozen of those silky smooth sinfully delicious donuts and you won’t be getting lucky.

New Wolf's Wolf Champion?

Oh the perfidy! I was totally blindsided by this. I never saw it coming, no sirree, nor would I even think of it. We have a new champion here at the Wolf's Woof!

I'm still baffled by it. I thought my foggy brain was playing tricks on me, so I waited a few days for the stats to correct themselves...they never did. It wasn't former Miami Dolphin greats Lilly Robbins or Jaime Edmondson that toppled the lovely Amy. It wasn't Meagan Pravden seeking revenge or the other Tampa Bay girls Marlana and Britney Craine. Current Heat dancers Ashley Z and Stephanie (former Washington Redskin Cheerleader) didn't make the cut either.

It's Sooin Kim, former Washington Redskin Cheerleading standout. She hung up the pom poms at the end of the 2008 NFL campaign. I haven't posted a thing on her since Christmas Day 2008.

Weird. Well, that's how things work...I wonder who will topple Sooin from the ranks?

Confessions, Concussions, and Concessions

Last Thursday Ultra Woman, Star Spangled Girl, Mighty Melinda, and I were having a dress rehearsal for the Ultra Moon story. Everything was going fine until we had a freak accident, a roll down door decided it was going to come down by itself. My chivalric ever the officer and gentleman side kicked in. I shoved Mighty Melinda out of the way only to have the door kiss me twice on the left side of my forehead. Wouldn’t you know it would be the left side of my head, the side that’s been giving me grief since April 2007. The concerned buxom blonde trio immediately checked up on me. Mighty Melinda playfully reminded me that the door would’ve harmlessly bounced off of her, but she appreciated being ‘saved’.

My head was on fire, but I appeared to be fine. I was fine alright, you’d be too if three blonde scantily clad goddess were bent over you. I suffered a couple of minor scrapes, I was okay…that is until Saturday evening. I was at a Thanksgiving dinner when I started to feel some pressure just above my left eyebrow. Mild waves of nausea struck as I felt my strength go out with the nauseating tides. I went home and lied down, extreme dizziness struck. Thank God it left as soon as it hit.

I skipped chapel Sunday to rest. Wonder Woman heard about it and paid me a visit. She threatened to take me to the Navy hospital. So, I watched the Dolphin game lying down on my sofa. I took a nap at halftime and missed most of the second half.

I stumbled back into my living room after I heard Wonder Woman say, “Oh, they actually scored another touchdown.” I saw Reggie Bush triumphantly toss the pigskin into the stands. I weakly smiled; the Fins were on their way to another win.

I will be taking a few more days off to rest; my brain ever so often goes into a fog. I will pour over my Ultra Moon notes that I have written since the May of 2010. I may have to tweak the ‘Teaser’ I posted.

I leave you with yet another gratuitous pic of Amy that I found on NFL.com. I do thank them for posting it. It doesn’t have that nauseating watermark on it. =)

Coming Soon: The Ultra Moon

The teaser...

The young shapely patriotic superheroine known as The Star Spangled Girl urgently sped towards the Rocky Mountains of New Mexico. She was intercepting a little known villain that had stolen a classified missile guidance system from White Sands. Star easily caught up with the bikini clad villain and engaged her in the sky.

The battle was swift and decisive, Star stood over the quivering second rate goon. Her long tone legs stood shoulder length apart; the smug heroine placed her hands on her hips. Her dazzling blue eyes narrowed as the woman begged pitifully for mercy. Star radioed in that she had apprehended the suspect. Her communication piece suddenly went quiet. No one heard from her since nor was there the usual ransom letter. The Star Spangled Girl was officially listed as Missing in Action.

Two weeks later a young, green, over eager to prove her worth heroine fielded a distress call from SSG. Hearing the ‘urgency’ of Star’s plea she rushed off to the coordinates that Star’s communicator was transmitting. She arrived just to find Star’s white boots, neck choker, blue star spangled bikini top, and communicator. The heroine was ambushed by the Star’s capture. As with Star- no word, no contact, and no ransom letter until two more weeks had passed.

Mighty Melinda’s communicator received an urgent SOS message from the missing heroines. She knew it was a trap, but the League was stretched thin as it was. She radioed Ultra Woman and Lieutenant Ryan Wolf, USN; both of them were busy. Ultra Woman was engaging Dynamo and the dashing pilot was returning from a scrubbed black ops mission.

Melinda suffers a humiliating loss to the villain now known as the Villainess. Tania and Ryan team up to battle her treachery. Can they stop her before she destroys the rest of the League?

(Image from Ultra Woman's deviant art page)

Dolphins Win Again!

Miami finally snaps their nauseating home losing streak. Now if I can just find pics without those nauseating watermarks.

Task Force Miami Update

Task Force Miami has a new official squad to patrol Biscayne Boulevard, the Triple A and Bayside for the 2011-2012 NBA season. However, unlike the Dolphins, the Heat didn't snap a group shot of the girls that made the team. I can't identify, or maybe the Heat did it on purpose to protect their secret identities from the sneaky paparazzi. I do believe Stephanie and Ashley Z (girl in the photo) are back. I did not see Odaymis, which is unfortunate. I knew her long before she embarked on a superheroine career.

Veterans Day 2011 11/11/11

I've been thinking what to post here for about a week. Should I do something similar to the three perfect tens I posted on 10/10/10? I decided not to do anything silly or sexy, just go with something classy.

It's Veterans Day, the holiday where only veterans work. So, if you'll excuse me, I have to go to work.

Ryan's Superheroine Sidekick Extraordinaire's Tip 313

You love football. She likes football. You're in luck! Not too many sidekick's have heroines that like football. Count your many blessings my friend, not just because she can't see her toes. Be careful, however, she knows you better than you know the back of your hand. She knows all the signs. Listen to her, she's there to help you avoid a nasty let down, suffer a Adrenalin induced headache, or do something stupid during a celebration.

Case in point, I was watching my beloved Dolphins Sunday. I subscribe to the NFL ticket, yeah, I know the Dolphins are down this year, but they're still my team. The Fins may stink, but they still have the sexiest cheerleaders in the league! Anyhoo, I pumped my fist into the air when Fasano caught his first TD of the game as a stunned Task Force Kansas City watched from a few yards away. (See pic)

"YEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" I thundered as Fasano stretched across the goal line scoring his second TD of the game.

"Ryan," my goddess calmly said (I won't reveal her ID, I don't want to endanger her.) "It's 14-3, they were up by the same score last week and blew it."

She was right, but I was still pumped. The D kept the pressure on and the score held up. The Dolphins scored again, it was 21-3. I started to sing the Miami Dolphin fight song. Yes, it's corny, but I love it! It beats that stupid, "That's another Miami Dolphin first down!" It's sad when things get so bad you have to celebrate First Downs.

Reggie Bush scampered untouched and the Dolphins were now in uncharted waters for 2011, 28-3. I started screaming, yelling, whooping, hollering. My buxom goddess did her part to try and calm me down. "Ryan, you're blood pressure. You're going to get a headache."

"Nonsense!"

Moments after Miami won 31-3 I placed my hand on my temples. I was burning up. A big headache was coming on me. I took to Excedrin Migraine pills and lie down. She gently kissed my temples and picked up my feet. She sat down and placed them on her lap. She picked up the remote and changed it to the Giants vs Belicheats.

It's good to be the sidekick!

My O My, MIAMI!

I'm still pumped after Miami's thrashing of the Kansas City Chefs. So I visited SI.com to see what they had. My eyes exploded when I came upon the Extra Mustard section (Monday Morning AM Hot Clicks). Guess who I saw in all her Miami glory on the front page? That's right...AMY! Congrats!