Rescue? Uh, What Rescue?

Many of you know the League of Superheroines has battled the nefarious Villainess. Members have succumbed to her minions: Star Spangled Girl, Mighty Melinda, Supergirl, the Foxes, etc, etc. Ultra Woman and I were going to mount a rescue mission when a big red and blue dragon whisked me away to another realm outside of our own. The dragon morphed into a red and blue witch with more curves than the Daytona International Speedway. She said I would do quite nicely for "her." Moments later a white ice dragon appeared. I'm wondering what I did to perturb these dragons or is it my reputation biting me in my furry butt once again?

Ryan's Superheroine Sidekick Extraordinaire's Tip #55

Ya, I know she dresses in tight skimpy attire, but if you want to go anywhere with her you better keep your eyes north of her Kryptonian celestial moons. I know it's hard to keep your eyes off of her gravity defying breasts, but think of your well being as well as your future as a sidekick. Pass the test and she may give you a plate full of cookies!

New Wonder Woman

NBC has picked the new Wonder Woman: Adrianne Palicki. I've read writers, bloggers, and readers are falling all over this. They say NBC picked a winner. Me? Nope. I'm not convinced. I'm not asking her to be Lynda Carter; IMO Megan Gale would've been better. In fact, she WAS picked to be Wonder Woman for the JLA movie, but that tanked, just like lots of DC stuff.

Ryan's Superheroine Sidekick Extraordinarie's Tip #46

It’s the day after Valentine’s Day and you say you still haven’t gotten that special heroine in your life a little something for Valentines? Been there, don’t that; never fear, I’m here to help! Albeit I’ve had mitigating circumstances, of course; unless you had an engine flame out over the North Atlantic, Megatron raising his ugly puss, or too busy bombing Dr. Doom’s royal castle. Your voluptuous heroine is not going to be pleased, to put it mildly. May I suggest two dozen roses, boxes of chocolate, and a few romantic candle lit dinners? If that doesn’t help, congratulations, you just regained your freedom, unless of course, she doesn’t put you into the hospital.

M A C Wonder Woman

A new limited line of cosmetics is out...M A C Wonder Woman! It's out from now until April. Didja noticed what version of Wonder Woman they used? That's right, the classic! I wonder when DC will swallow their pride and say it was all a mistake or admit the new costume was a trial test for the new Wonder Woman TV series.

Tarot 66

Something earth shattering happened! The world almost stopped spinning on its axis! Tarot and her sister, Raven, managed to keep their "clothes" on. Barely, however, but they did. Raven spoke Loki's name. The Norse god heard and visited her. He demanded that she be his mistress, Raven balked.

Mummy and Tarot came to the rescue, but that depends upon what your definition of 'rescue' is. Tarot and mummy wind up being captured by Loki. No doubt Tarot will be in bondage next issue, very Wonder Woman of her I might add.

What's worse, The Skeleton Man has Thor's hammer. If you don't know The Skeleton Man is many a person's nominee for Worse Hero of All Time. Will he save the day? Of course he has too, but he'll probably fumble the hammer and Tarot will become a female Thor, much like Wonder Woman did briefly in her battle against Marvel's Storm.

Super Bowl XLV

It's the sad time of year, the NFL is done for another year and possibly longer than that if the lockout transpires. The game was good, halftime show stunk up the place and what was worse, no cheerleaders! So, once again I'll make amends for that.

Super Bowl XLV

'Tis a darn shame that there's no cheerleaders in tonight's game. I thought I'd help out with a pic of Meagan from Tampa Bay

I made the Glenn Beck Show!

Unfortunately this aired during a RP wedding, most people didn't see it. Sigh.

***

“Hello America! Tonight is my first interview of 2011. My guest brought this,” Glenn Beck said and picked up a box of donuts. He flashed a cheesy smile, “That’s right, newly promoted Lieutenant Commander Ryan Tiberius Wolf of the United States Naval Air Force. Join me!”

He placed the box down in front of him and turned to face the dashing fighter pilot, “Lieutenant Commander Ryan Wolf, welcome to the show!”

“Thank you Glenn, I’m happy to be back,” Wolf replied.

“You’ve been friends with Wonder Woman for a long time. You’ve had adventures, escorted her on dangerous missions, and rescued her from Mystique’s clutches as well being her sidekick for a while.” Beck paused for a moment, the silence nearly killing his guest. “What caused you to fire that missile at Wonder Woman?”

Ryan sighed as he rolled his eyes.

“I mean, you two were getting all dreamy eyed and looking at each other during that Wonder Woman #600 interview. You had poor Diana so distracted with taking her to Krispy Kreme that she lost her train of thought not once, not twice, but thrice!”

The USN officer looked Beck straight in the eyes, “It was a joint S.H.I.E.L.D. US Navy training exercise. I was ordered to fire and I fired without hesitation.”

“Even though it was Wonder Woman; an American icon since 1941, a woman that you’ve had a crush on since 1975.”

“Yes,” the unapologetic pilot replied.

“And that’s why you were promoted to Lieutenant Commander?”

Wolf made a strange face and shrugged his shoulders, “I don’t know. I have no idea. You’ll have to ask Ms. Romanova.”

The Libertarian stopped and looked up, “Hey Stu! Contact S.H.I.E.L.D. and ask politely if Miss Natalia Romanova would like to be a guest on the show.” Beck turned his attention back to his donut loving guest. “That missile you fired the AIM-250-X…”

“AIM-X-250,” Ryan quickly corrected.

“250-X, X-250, whatever!” the guest laughed as he animated his hands, “It’s a Stark missile. You bought Hellcat, per se, from Tony Stark. Was this part of the deal?”

Ryan gave him a curious look, “Since when did you become a conspiracy theorist?”

“It’s not a conspiracy, it’s a fair question. You took Hellcat off Tony Stark’s hands and the missile was manufactured by Stark. You fired on Wonder Woman.” Beck threw out his hands and finished, “Next day…voila! You’re a lieutenant commander!”

“I think you’ve had one too many M&M donuts, Glenn,” Wolf replied as he pulled the donut box towards him.

“Is that the best you can do?”

“No. There was no super duper top secret conspiracy deal. Hellcat wasn’t happy with the deal, that is…”

“That is?”

“Until I gave her a donut, next thing I knew I had made a friend for life. She asked me if I could be her private pilot.”

“Private pilot?”

“Yes, she somehow got her soft furry paws on an F-4 Phantom. I strapped her in and flew her down to the Florida Keys. I bought her a few bikinis and a juicy hamburger, she’s been sleeping at my feet ever since.”

“I bet that made your mom happy,” Beck dryly added.

The Miami native shrugged his shoulders, “Well, I feed her and she keeps the Jehovah Witnesses and Mormons from knocking on my door.”

Beck began to stammer, “I, uh, well, that’s…interesting.” There was an awkward silence until the Fox News Host flashed a forced smile. “I don’t need my sources to tell me that you’ve been hanging around fiery redheads as of late; Hellcat, Black Widow, and Tarot the Black Rose Witch. Why is that?”

“Wouldn’t you, if you could?” Wolf answered. The Fox Reporter began to squirm in his chair as the fighter pilot turned the tide of battle. Ryan continued, “I mean they’re fun, feisty, busty, and most of all…sultry.”

Beck channeled his professionalism and changed the subject. “I see you’re posting tips on your Sitemodel page. Is this to help out the young up and coming whipper snappers?”

“Yes. Ryan’s Superheroine Sidekick Extraordinaire’s Tip of the Day, I’m simply trying to pass my knowledge to the young ones. It was tough bumpy road to becoming a Superheroine Sidekick Extraordinaire. I’m just trying to do my part and give back to the superhero community.”

Glenn Beck turned away from the navy fighter pilot, “There you have it America. Join me next time when I find out just how fiery and sultry Black Widow can be!”