Viva Los Wolves

I wrote this for another website. I've been RPing with Samantha Jameson for years, her writer and I finally got them together after years of bad timing/mishaps/dumb luck. It got such raving reviews I thought I post it here although it still needs some major work. Pumpkin King makes a guest appearance on the Glenn Beck show...

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Hello America! You know I’ve been reporting for weeks on the bizarre behavior of Lieutenant Commander Ryan Wolf in 2011. Ladies, keep a box of tissues handy, tonight’s going to be a real tear jerker. I can confirm that it wasn’t a spooky conspiracy by George Soros, I can confirm that Ryan Wolf’s Wonder Woman fetish is over. Pumpkin King is here to confirm this!

“Thank you, Glenn,” PK stated.

“What happened?”

“Oh, I was enjoying a midnight dance with my latest and greatest queen…Mack when my telephone rang…

“You have a phone?” Beck interrupted.

“Of course I do…as I was saying my phone was ringing. I answered it. I was flabbergasted to hear it was that blithering bumbling boob.”

“What did he want?”

PK shrugged his shoulders, “Oh…he wanted me to meet him at The Crimson Heart Chapel at 6969 Elope Drive in Las Vegas.”

“HE GOT MARRIED?!?!”

“Marriage is hardly the word I would choose…Glenn my boy. ‘Twas more like a freak show. Commander Wolf was there in his dress whites. A blushing Samantha Jameson…

“SAMANTHA JAMESON?!?!”

“Yes, the Pulitzer Prize winning reporter from Miami…,” PK raised a skinny skewed finger, “May I say she looked more lovely than Princess Kate. Her dress was splendid…simply splendid! So was so regal. I stood there…awe struck by her beauty until the freak show started.

“How so?”

“I heard a muffled voice behind us say, ‘I see the witness is here.’ I turned around and saw something right out of Barnum and Bailey Circus. This…guy…was stuffing his mouth full of a banana peanut butter sandwich. He was dressed in a sparkling rhinestone studded leisure suit with star framed sunglasses…I was concerned.”

“That would be Elvis, PK. Why worry over Elvis? He’s harmless.”



“Not him…Ryan. You know how those bright dazzling lights can trigger a mind numbing migraine in him. I was worried that the buffoon was going to have his nuptials ruined by a stupid headache that I didn’t cause! Worse, this Elvis chap’s hair looked like it was loaded with axel grease. I took a step back…away from him. I didn’t want to hiccup and accidentally ignite his hair as he walked by singing off key, ‘Love me tender…love me true…’”

“He was singing?”

“Glenn my boy…when are you going to stop repeating everything I say…hmm? Anyhow he stopped signing and jumped into the air. He landed and struck a pose…like he was pointing two guns at Ryan. He curled his lip and asked, “Do you, Ryan take Samantha to be your lawful wedded wife?”

“And?”

“Nothing, Wolf stood there…speechless. I thought he was suffering from cold feet until I saw his sweating brow. I glanced over at Sam…she was worried. We were both thinking Ryan was going to pull the ejection cord and bail out. I leaned over and whispered, ‘This is the part where you say I do.’”

“Did he?”

“Sam was nervously biting her lower lip until her babbling stuttering husband to be uttered, ‘I.I.I.I. d-d-d-d-do’. Amazing he finally overcame his fear of commitment. ‘Elvis’ again jumped into the air and struck the same pose and asked Samantha, ‘Do you, Samantha take Ryan to be your lawful wedded husband?”

“Yes…”

“Would you let me finish! Of course she said ‘Yes’! She was beaming! She snagged her flyboy. Elvis finished it off, ‘By the powers invested in me by space aliens and the State of Nevada…I do pronounce you man and wife…you may kiss the bride.’”

“Whoa.”

“They kissed,” PK continued, “And Elvis whipped out a guitar and started singing off key again…I might add…’Lord almighty…feel my temperature rising!’”

“Well, there you have it America…Ryan Wolf is now officially off the market!”

PK shook his orange gorde head as Glenn finished, “That poor girl...so pretty…so lovely…so voluptuous…she could’ve had any guy she wanted…she could’ve done better…”

“Like?”

“ME!”