Task Force Miami Update!

Ashley is getting in the Christmas spirit in Miami. Soon she'll be patrolling the Triple A in downtown Miami as the Heat embark on a strike-shortened 2011-2012 season.

'Tis the Season

Being a Cold War vet (For those of you reading in Port St. Lucie...Yes, I just dated myself) this time of the year can be trying. Denied leave and being stuck thousands of miles from home isn't a happy thought, but a sobering reality for some. Merry Christmas to those in the US armed forces.

Blue Friday

My 2007 Black Friday Story

***

It was the Friday after Thanksgiving, Black Friday; without any fanfare my F-37 landed at Cape Canaveral AFB at 0 Dark 30. Her every taxi move was mirrored by two AH-64 Apache Longbow helicopters as they flew escort. They thundered away as the doors of the secure hangar were shut tight; my bird stopped as Air Force airmen rushed up to my exhausted bird. They could clearly read on the fuselage the black words, "Blue-chan."

I crawled down my ladder and ran my fingers across the black letters; I smiled as I looked at the words. I turned around and walked out the building; once I was outside I was whisked away in an armored Hummer and taken to my classified meeting.

Moments later I was inside the colossal Vehicle Assembly Building (VAB) at the Kennedy Space Center, the majestic Space Shuttle Atlantis was there awaiting her next launch into cold space. I got goose bumps as I thought what might be in ten years: Staring at the Orion rocket, the one that would take America back to the moon, with me commanding the mission.

As I pondered the future I smelled a hint of sweet smell. I took a sniff, it smelled like sandalwood. SANDLEWOOD! My eyes opened wide with frightful delight. I mean, I love her to pieces; I named my F-37 after her, but she couldn't be here. This was a classified mission, if anyone saw her; I was in deep doo doo!

I turned around as the smell of sandalwood grew stronger, I flashed a nervous smile as I heard a whisper, "Psst, Ryan-kun!" At this moment I knew exactly what Larry Hagman's character, Major Nelson, on 'I Dream of Jeannie' felt whenever Jeannie popped out in the middle of nowhere. Where ever my precious Blue-chan went, hijinx would quickly ensue.

I saw Blue smiling and waving from behind a stack of boxes, she wore a white NASA hat over her silky blue hair. I looked around to see if anyone was there and ran over to the box. I gritted my teeth and lowly growled, "Blue-chan, what are you doing here?!?"

"I have to protect you, Ryan-kun," she replied utterly clueless of my anger.

"I'm on the most fortified base in America, I'm completely safe here!" I countered.

"Ryan-kun," she chided me as she shook her pretty little blue head. She placed her warm soft hand on my cheek, "You still don't understand, Kunoichi's can penetrate anything they so choose."

"I'm supposed to be alone, if they see you here. I may be court-martialed!"

She smiled continuing to ignore or not seeing my point, "I can be your navigator."

"The F/A-37 doesn't have a navigator!"

"Oh," she blankly replied and looked away. She looked back and me and smiled, "I'll be your crew chief!" She pointed to her hat, "See, I even have a hat!" Blue pulled it off and her silky sandalwood scented hair gracefully fell to her shoulders.

I closed my eyes as she uttered, "Whoops."

I opened them and sternly said, "No!"

Blue's pretty violet eyes became misty, she gave me her sad puppy dog look; she stuck out her bottom lip, it quivered. Oh, how I hate that look! It makes me do things I know I'm going to regret; at times I'd rather swim through a boiling acid sea, have lemon juice poured over a paper cut, or listen to an entire Yoko Ono album than give in. I took a deep breath, stood firm and proceeded to collapse like a house of cards, "Ok, crew chief."

Blue closed her eyes as she clapped her hands together and squealed like an anime/manga cartoon babe. She gave me a big hug and kissed me, "Thank you Ryan-kun!"

Suddenly we heard a, "Lieutenant Wolf!"

Blue scrambled to put her hair back in place under the hat as I walked towards the mighty Atlantis. I looked back and Blue was gone; I breathed a sigh of relief and prayed that she'll do what she does best: Stay in the shadows and out of sight.

A team of secret service elves walked into the room, they all sported dark sunglasses. Each wore a black suit, white shirt, with a black tie; one of them held his ear and said, "All clear."

Seconds later the jolly old fat white bearded man of Christmas Cheer walked into the room, my classified mission of national security was now complete. His robust voice boomed, "Ho! Ho! Ho! Ryan! How are you lad?"

"I'm good Santa, you?" I innocently replied.

Santa gave me an all knowing look; he shook his head in disapproval, "Ryan. I'm Santa, I know all about you being naughty."

Whoops would be an understatement. I felt like I was shrinking in my flight suit and concurred, "Um, yes, you do."

He looked at me with a stern face and then continued, "Especially with Lima Alpha Delta Yankee Bravo Lima Umbrella Echo," he finished and gave me a little wink.

I snickered for a moment and replied, "Santa, why did you spell her name phonetically?"

"Because she mistook Rudolph for an elk a few Christmas Eve's ago," a wincing Santa replied. "He still gets the shakes when he hears 'Blue Christmas'."

"That's my girl..."

Santa and I changed the discussion to my Christmas Eve escort, Rudolph brought out some milk and cookies as we continued to chat away. I would have to run a few extra laps to burn off all those extra delicious calories, but hey, it's Christmas!

Suddenly there arose such a clatter; Santa and I sprang from our seat to see what the matter was. Then what to our wondering eyes did appear, a tied up blue haired woman and eight tiny elves. The blue haired woman was wrapped like a Christmas present, she squirmed as she protested, "But I was searching his sleigh for a bomb, honest!"

And the unbelieving lead elf replied as he dismissed her confession with the wave of his hand, "We hear it all the time."

I buried my face in my palm of my hand as they unceremoniously flopped the reluctant Blue Christmas present in front of Santa. I knew my commission in the Navy was just about to expire.

Santa looked down at the violet misty eyed woman, then looked up at me and queried, "Ryan?"

"Uh, this is my navigator," I caught myself and said with urgency, "No! She's my crew chie..." I stopped and looked at Santa; the look on his face said everything. I knew he wasn't buying my fib, I threw my arms down as I huffed the truth, "Ah, you know who she is!"

"Yes, I do," he answered and pulled out a little scroll. The little scroll unrolled and kept unrolling as it ran out the door, which was some fifty feet away, as he continued, "She's been very naughty girl."

"You don't know the half of it," I mumbled before I realized who I was talking to, "Then again, you do,” I finished as I scratched the back of my head. Blue put her head down, her cheeks turned red as she looked up at me with her eyes.

"But she hasn't been near as naughty as Dana," Santa laughed. "Release the lass!" he ordered and Lady Blue was freed.

Blue could not contain herself in the presence of Santa; she was one of his biggest fans. Lady Blue tackle glomped him into next Christmas Eve before his secret service elves had time to react. She attempted to wrap her petite arms around the robust Christmas icon, but couldn't. "SANTA!" she thundered as she gave him a big hug.

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa thundered as Blue gave him a hug. He warmly returned the hug; Blue sat on his knee and folded her hands in her lap. I watched in wonder as she became a little girl again, she looked so innocent as she talked to him.

Santa smiled and asked what she wanted for Christmas; Blue cupped her mouth as Santa leaned down. She whispered something that made his cheeks flush with red; Santa's eyes widen with shock as he looked at me.

Santa looked at her and winked his reply, "Lass, that's Ryan's department."

Blue sweetly giggled and turned to look at me; my sexy ninja jumped into the air and landed in my arms, "Where's the mistletoe when you need it," I commented.

Blue giggled and then gave me a soft kiss. I returned the kiss and gazed into her eyes. It didn't last long as she hopped out of my strong arms and drug me away from Santa, "Come on Ryan-kun! The Merritt Island Mega Mall closes in fourteen hours! We have so much shopping to do in so little time!"

Santa grabbed his jelly belly and laughed, "HO! HO! HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOODNIGHT!"

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! The NFL has a real treat for you today. Three football games to watch as you stuff yourself with that succulent turkey, creamy mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce (Yuck), stuffing, green beans, scrumptious pumpkin pie (don't forget the Cool Whip). I bet you can't guess which one I'll have my eyes glued to. *wink*

40,000 + Views!

Thank you! To celebrate here's a pic from Jaime Edmondson's latest playboy shoot. The 'U' never looked better.

No Wolf's Woof Champion?

Meagan is not happy. Amy is not happy. In fact, no one is happy. There's no champion anymore for Wolf's Woof! It must be a diabolical plot, has to be! My blog's stats (over 500 views in less than two days) have exploded like the Miami Dolphin offense the past three weeks, yet not one cheerleader appears in them. It'll do more searching to get the bottom of this. Something's not right.

Miami Wins!

Undaunted by the usurping Sooin Kim, Amy and the girls cheered Dolphins onto victory yesterday. Amazingly it's the first time since 2009 that Miami has won two straight at home. Unbelievable. To celebrate I'm posting yet another gratuitous pic my fav MDC. (I think it's her, found the pic in the NFL.com archives of 2009).

***

More Amy can be found here: http://dolfanred.blogspot.com/

Ryan's Superheroine Sidekick Extraordinaire's Tip 324

Your goddess is a distraction. She may not mean to be one, but she is. Always be on the top of your game in order to avoid financial disaster.

You know her strengths and weaknesses. You know that she melts like an ice cube in the scorching August Miami sun for a Krispy Kreme donut. It’s nice that you bought her a dozen donuts and gave them to her. Its better that she rewards you with a kiss. Naturally you return the kiss. She plants another kiss on your lips. Again you return it. Things heat up, clothes are shed and you two share a romantic moment.

It’s only natural. It’s only natural for you to forget those two $5 bills that are still in your pants pocket. It’s natural to pick up your pants and toss them into the dirty clothes hamper after your impromptu romantic encounter. It’s only natural for you two to share some afterglow in the shower. Chances are things might heat up again; naturally your change is an afterthought.

It’s also natural for you to repay her by doing the laundry. Remember to check your pants pocket for those $5 bills. If you don’t, you’ll be wondering what happened to them when you want to pay for another dozen of those silky smooth sinfully delicious donuts and you won’t be getting lucky.

New Wolf's Wolf Champion?

Oh the perfidy! I was totally blindsided by this. I never saw it coming, no sirree, nor would I even think of it. We have a new champion here at the Wolf's Woof!

I'm still baffled by it. I thought my foggy brain was playing tricks on me, so I waited a few days for the stats to correct themselves...they never did. It wasn't former Miami Dolphin greats Lilly Robbins or Jaime Edmondson that toppled the lovely Amy. It wasn't Meagan Pravden seeking revenge or the other Tampa Bay girls Marlana and Britney Craine. Current Heat dancers Ashley Z and Stephanie (former Washington Redskin Cheerleader) didn't make the cut either.

It's Sooin Kim, former Washington Redskin Cheerleading standout. She hung up the pom poms at the end of the 2008 NFL campaign. I haven't posted a thing on her since Christmas Day 2008.

Weird. Well, that's how things work...I wonder who will topple Sooin from the ranks?

Confessions, Concussions, and Concessions

Last Thursday Ultra Woman, Star Spangled Girl, Mighty Melinda, and I were having a dress rehearsal for the Ultra Moon story. Everything was going fine until we had a freak accident, a roll down door decided it was going to come down by itself. My chivalric ever the officer and gentleman side kicked in. I shoved Mighty Melinda out of the way only to have the door kiss me twice on the left side of my forehead. Wouldn’t you know it would be the left side of my head, the side that’s been giving me grief since April 2007. The concerned buxom blonde trio immediately checked up on me. Mighty Melinda playfully reminded me that the door would’ve harmlessly bounced off of her, but she appreciated being ‘saved’.

My head was on fire, but I appeared to be fine. I was fine alright, you’d be too if three blonde scantily clad goddess were bent over you. I suffered a couple of minor scrapes, I was okay…that is until Saturday evening. I was at a Thanksgiving dinner when I started to feel some pressure just above my left eyebrow. Mild waves of nausea struck as I felt my strength go out with the nauseating tides. I went home and lied down, extreme dizziness struck. Thank God it left as soon as it hit.

I skipped chapel Sunday to rest. Wonder Woman heard about it and paid me a visit. She threatened to take me to the Navy hospital. So, I watched the Dolphin game lying down on my sofa. I took a nap at halftime and missed most of the second half.

I stumbled back into my living room after I heard Wonder Woman say, “Oh, they actually scored another touchdown.” I saw Reggie Bush triumphantly toss the pigskin into the stands. I weakly smiled; the Fins were on their way to another win.

I will be taking a few more days off to rest; my brain ever so often goes into a fog. I will pour over my Ultra Moon notes that I have written since the May of 2010. I may have to tweak the ‘Teaser’ I posted.

I leave you with yet another gratuitous pic of Amy that I found on NFL.com. I do thank them for posting it. It doesn’t have that nauseating watermark on it. =)

Coming Soon: The Ultra Moon

The teaser...

The young shapely patriotic superheroine known as The Star Spangled Girl urgently sped towards the Rocky Mountains of New Mexico. She was intercepting a little known villain that had stolen a classified missile guidance system from White Sands. Star easily caught up with the bikini clad villain and engaged her in the sky.

The battle was swift and decisive, Star stood over the quivering second rate goon. Her long tone legs stood shoulder length apart; the smug heroine placed her hands on her hips. Her dazzling blue eyes narrowed as the woman begged pitifully for mercy. Star radioed in that she had apprehended the suspect. Her communication piece suddenly went quiet. No one heard from her since nor was there the usual ransom letter. The Star Spangled Girl was officially listed as Missing in Action.

Two weeks later a young, green, over eager to prove her worth heroine fielded a distress call from SSG. Hearing the ‘urgency’ of Star’s plea she rushed off to the coordinates that Star’s communicator was transmitting. She arrived just to find Star’s white boots, neck choker, blue star spangled bikini top, and communicator. The heroine was ambushed by the Star’s capture. As with Star- no word, no contact, and no ransom letter until two more weeks had passed.

Mighty Melinda’s communicator received an urgent SOS message from the missing heroines. She knew it was a trap, but the League was stretched thin as it was. She radioed Ultra Woman and Lieutenant Ryan Wolf, USN; both of them were busy. Ultra Woman was engaging Dynamo and the dashing pilot was returning from a scrubbed black ops mission.

Melinda suffers a humiliating loss to the villain now known as the Villainess. Tania and Ryan team up to battle her treachery. Can they stop her before she destroys the rest of the League?

(Image from Ultra Woman's deviant art page)

Dolphins Win Again!

Miami finally snaps their nauseating home losing streak. Now if I can just find pics without those nauseating watermarks.

Task Force Miami Update

Task Force Miami has a new official squad to patrol Biscayne Boulevard, the Triple A and Bayside for the 2011-2012 NBA season. However, unlike the Dolphins, the Heat didn't snap a group shot of the girls that made the team. I can't identify, or maybe the Heat did it on purpose to protect their secret identities from the sneaky paparazzi. I do believe Stephanie and Ashley Z (girl in the photo) are back. I did not see Odaymis, which is unfortunate. I knew her long before she embarked on a superheroine career.

Veterans Day 2011 11/11/11

I've been thinking what to post here for about a week. Should I do something similar to the three perfect tens I posted on 10/10/10? I decided not to do anything silly or sexy, just go with something classy.

It's Veterans Day, the holiday where only veterans work. So, if you'll excuse me, I have to go to work.

Ryan's Superheroine Sidekick Extraordinaire's Tip 313

You love football. She likes football. You're in luck! Not too many sidekick's have heroines that like football. Count your many blessings my friend, not just because she can't see her toes. Be careful, however, she knows you better than you know the back of your hand. She knows all the signs. Listen to her, she's there to help you avoid a nasty let down, suffer a Adrenalin induced headache, or do something stupid during a celebration.

Case in point, I was watching my beloved Dolphins Sunday. I subscribe to the NFL ticket, yeah, I know the Dolphins are down this year, but they're still my team. The Fins may stink, but they still have the sexiest cheerleaders in the league! Anyhoo, I pumped my fist into the air when Fasano caught his first TD of the game as a stunned Task Force Kansas City watched from a few yards away. (See pic)

"YEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" I thundered as Fasano stretched across the goal line scoring his second TD of the game.

"Ryan," my goddess calmly said (I won't reveal her ID, I don't want to endanger her.) "It's 14-3, they were up by the same score last week and blew it."

She was right, but I was still pumped. The D kept the pressure on and the score held up. The Dolphins scored again, it was 21-3. I started to sing the Miami Dolphin fight song. Yes, it's corny, but I love it! It beats that stupid, "That's another Miami Dolphin first down!" It's sad when things get so bad you have to celebrate First Downs.

Reggie Bush scampered untouched and the Dolphins were now in uncharted waters for 2011, 28-3. I started screaming, yelling, whooping, hollering. My buxom goddess did her part to try and calm me down. "Ryan, you're blood pressure. You're going to get a headache."

"Nonsense!"

Moments after Miami won 31-3 I placed my hand on my temples. I was burning up. A big headache was coming on me. I took to Excedrin Migraine pills and lie down. She gently kissed my temples and picked up my feet. She sat down and placed them on her lap. She picked up the remote and changed it to the Giants vs Belicheats.

It's good to be the sidekick!

My O My, MIAMI!

I'm still pumped after Miami's thrashing of the Kansas City Chefs. So I visited SI.com to see what they had. My eyes exploded when I came upon the Extra Mustard section (Monday Morning AM Hot Clicks). Guess who I saw in all her Miami glory on the front page? That's right...AMY! Congrats!

DOLPHINS WIN!!!!

I quote the Greatness that was Jim Mandich...

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Good God Almighty!

What a sensational play!

That was just magnificent!

Alright Miami!

Amy and the rest of girls are smiling!

Ryan's Superheroine Sidekick Extraordinaire's Tip 308

Eclairs. Yes, I said eclairs. It's best to stock up on them or know of a tasty bakery that can give you a dozen of these scrumptious pastries on a moment's notice. These sinful treats can melt the most harden perturbed heroines ice cold steel heart.

Hypothetically let's say you promised Hellcat dinner and a movie, but teeny weeny stuff seems to interfere with the date. I mean trivial stuff like leading a US Naval Airstrike against Libya, assisting Lieutenant Colonel Lennox on a classified NEST operation in Chicago, and quelching an Occupy Gotham riot. Defending Western Civilization can be a bear.

Present those rich and creamy pastries to her and you're out of the doghouse. Make sure you take her immediately on that dinner/movie date. She'll curl up in a ball and nuzzle next to you all night. The worse thing that could happen is you waking up with the words, "Hellcat wuz here," written in permanent black marker all over your chest.

Trust me

Ryan's Superheroine Sidekick Extraordinaire's Tip 305

Congratulations on graduating from Superheroine Sidekick Academy! Now comes the tough job of picking out what city you want to be in and the heroine's shapely rear you watch. Miami is the place to be. Miami Task Force always has the finest recruits. The current batch is no exception. Remember to keep in mind Miami has lots of temptations, be sure you are up to the task. If so, life in Miami can be very rewarding.

(Yes, 305 is the area code in Miami. I did this on purpose)