I don't think I ever posted my 2007 Halloween story, so here it is!
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The brilliant Harvest Full Moon slowly rose above the sleepy Gotham skyscrapers as I loaded my Crossfire with Dana's apple cider donuts. I lay them with care as the crisp cool air blew into the parking garage, ah, fall was here. Thank God. I took a big whiff of the apple cider smell, mmm, did they smell delicious! Oh I couldn't wait to sink my canines into them. I closed the hatch reveling in the fact that my car would smell like those tasty little morsels for several days into the month of November.
I walked into the kitchen and marveled how clean it was after the little incident a few hours before. You see, against my better judgment I had Blue help me out with the last batch of Dana's donuts. Blue wore a blue silky Kimono that sported snowy white wolves; I sat the batter down onto the counter top and walked away to help her mix a batch I was going to give to the annoyingly chipper Ensign Pike to give to Captain America for the Avenger party later on in the night.
No one was around so I wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed her neck; Blue giggled for a second and purred, "Ryan-kun, not now," as she put her head back and took a deep breath. She placed a soft hand on my cheek and gasped as I kissed her neck again. Suddenly the kissing stopped as the bowl began to rattle; I looked back at the bowl and knew it wasn't an earthquake, it was the only thing that was moving. It started to spin as it began to jump up and down on the counter top.
"Uh-oh," I uttered and quickly grabbed Blue; I pushed her to the ground and lay atop of her just before the dumb thing violently exploded! I uncontrollably squeezed her hard as the explosion rang out. The tasty batter spewed everywhere along with shrapnel of the porcelain bowl. The sweet fattening mess splattered onto the ceiling, cabinets, refrigerator, and lastly the infamous kitchen sink as the sugary apple cider rain rained upon us.
I looked up and saw the sticky mess; the tasty batter began to drip from the ceiling as I looked down at Blue. She closed her eyes, slightly tilted her head and was about to give me the look when I heard footsteps storming into the kitchen. I gazed up and saw Red, Wonder Woman's French Maid glaring down at us; her face was beet red as she placed her angry balled fists onto her soft curvy hips.
She stomped her high heel black pumps, her breasts bounced in perfect unison with the stomp and pointed to the door with her right index finger as she yelled, "OUT!" She kept her angry balled fist planted firmly on her lacy hip; the snarling maid took deep breaths which pushed her laced covered Alps higher and higher. Red didn't even flinch when the batter began to drip down upon her nice clean black uniform that Wonder Woman just gave her.
Blue silently got up and flashed a little smile at Red; she looked back at me as I followed.
Suddenly Red's open palm struck my chest as she asked, "Just where do you think you're going, luv?"
"You said..." I answered throwing my hands out.
"Do you know how long it took me to clean the kitchen!" she asked as she took yet another deep breath that sent her lovely Alps nearly neck high! Blue winced her eyes and waved goodbye as Red continued to scold me. Once she was finished Red grimaced and smacked my butt.
"Ouch!" I stated just before she smacked me again!
"There, that'll teach you!" she huffed before she looked back. Blue was gone, she turned around as I looked at her with some trepidation. Suddenly her countenance changed, she slyly smiled as she purred, "Now I get an excuse to take another shower..."
"Well, Ryan," a soft voice spoke, snapping me out of the messy flashback.
I turned around and saw IADC super agent Diana Prince, Wonder Woman's alter ego, standing behind me in a tan trench coat. Her hands were in her pockets, she pulled one out and removed her gaudy black signature glasses, revealing her goddess face, "Are you ready?"
"Lemme put on my Navy jersey and I will be," I replied as I looked at her kind of funny, "You're going dressed like that?"
She smiled and nodded, "Yes! Wonder Woman is going as a secret agent."
"Oh," I replied, "I see, well," I answered rather stunned as I pulled out my football jersey. I pulled off shirt and put on the navy blue jersey; I threw my arms out and smiled, "Ready!"
I double checked the donuts I left for Ensign Pike to give to Captain America and we were heading out to Blue's Tavern.
Minutes later as my blue Crossfire zipped down the highway, I gently placed my hand on Diana's knee. She placed her warm hand over mine as I gave her knee a little squeeze. The smell of apple cider donuts filled every cavity of my fast little car as we continued onto Blue's Tavern. Diana took a deep breath through her nose as she closed her eyes and enjoyed the aroma, "Mmm, Ryan. I can't wait to eat one of those," she stopped and looked over at me, "Next time, don't invite Blue over."
Sigh. I tried and tried to teach her how to make desserts and use firearms, each time it ended in disastrous results. Whether she blew up a kitchen while innocently making cookies or nearly shooting my foot on Gotham NAS rifle range, she never seemed to catch on. I smirked a little and replied, "Wilco," though I was bound and determined to teach her. If she can learn all those super duper ninja moves, why can't she learn how to bake cookies or shoot a weapon?
Moments later we arrived at Blue's Tavern, as I parked the car my eyes beheld a peculiar sight. Dana, dressed as a Hooters waitress, was bending over, her orange short shorts were riding up her sexy legs giving me a nearly wondrous look of her derrière; she had a stick in her hand which she was repeatedly hitting the ground with it. "What is she doing?" I asked as I reached for my car door. Now, I know what you're thinking; Wonder Woman was thinking the same thing too: I had alterior motives in mind. No, I just wanted to know why she was making herself look like a moron. Seriously!
"I'll be back," I said as I opened my car door.
"I bet you will," Diana replied dryly as she rested her elbow on my car's window.
"I've seen her in less," I replied.
"Really?" she replied as she rested her head on her hand.
"She was wearing a pink thong when she blasted me out of the sky."
"Oh, yes," she smiled rather mischievously, "Tara then went on her Mayday! Mayday! This is Wolf 1 I've been hit routine."
"Um, yeah," I stammered as I searched for words, "Dana coldly shot me down."
The sun was being eaten by the ravenous haunted forest as Dana continued to look like a moron as she still continued to beat the soaked earth. Blue walked out of the Tavern with a strange look on her face as I neared. She had a shovel in her hand. "Um, Dana, are you okay?" I asked as my blue haired angel stood next to me.
Blue smirked and added, "Uhm...Dana? It's okay. It's dead pal. No worries. Although, we may have an unusually large population of earth worms crop up in a few months..." the sexy ninja finished as she started to laugh.
Dana continued to pound away as she looked at us out of the corner of her eye and smirked.
"If you're gonna do that, use a shovel, k?" Blue smirked as she handed the orange hot pants clad belle the shovel.
"I think I'm done Bluey," Dana replied as she took the shovel, "I've just had a busy day and I didn't feel like sleeping with snowmen tonight. How about you and me, sans Ryan, have a few drinks together and have a good time at the Tavern...your treat!"
How generous of her I thought as Dana finished, but at times Blue was, sigh, an airhead. Don't get me wrong, I love her dearly, but sometimes she's just a few French fries short of a happy meal.
Meanwhile high above us, Tara's favorite Green Lantern, Ch’p was performing a high altitude patrol, the little squirrel spotted us. "What's this?!?" he exclaimed and zoomed down on the action as he spots Dana pounding the ground with that stupid stick. He dropped down at our level and declared, "Great stars! The Mole Men must be attacking!" as he created a giant green cartoonish type mallet with his ring. The type of mallet that Wile E. Coyote would order from Acme Corporation and slammed it against the ground with enough force to shake the Earth and the nearby haunted forest as well as giving Dana, Blue and I a little air time.
"There! That should do it," Ch’p suddenly stopped as he looked at the three of us, "Uh...wait...Dana? What's this all about?"
Speaking of pounding, I winced and held my pounding head after my ears felt that resounding thud, "Oh that didn't feel good."
Logan Kil had walked out, his sensitive ears picked up the sound from my ears, "It didn't sound good either, are you okay?"
"I'll be fine," I replied as I continued to wince as I held my throbbing temple, "Once I have one of Blue's concoctions, I'll be fine! Blue...Blue...Blue?"
I looked down and Blue was on her bum from the force of the ear splitting shockwave, "OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" she exclaimed and stood up. She rubbed her little blue fanny and blinked, "Hmm...so much for the earth worm population." She giggled and went to mix that little pain killing concoction of hers.
Then Dana told her tale, "Sorry guys. I just didn't want any tainted Ninja brew to be mistakenly get in my drink tonight, there's been an international recall. Although I am really creeped out about the woods at night, yet I still love it!"
Chp was confused to say the least, "Ninja brew? Okay...you didn't want Ninja brew, so you attacked the ground, which, I assume, is somehow the source of Ninja brew? I'm so confused..." He stopped and smiled, "Well, anyway, sorry about the noise, fellas. Next round is on me!"
Dana, and Logan cheered as Blue handed me her little potion. I eagerly took it, "Thank you Blue-chan," and drank. It instantly pounded my headache into submission. I stole a quick kiss and walked back to my car as Blue's little cheeks began to glow red.
My Crossfire's trunk was popped open; I could smell the tasty apple cider donuts as the wind whisked through the evergreens. The beige trench coat clad Wonder Woman was already munching on the donuts. I smiled and then looked down at the open box as I reached in to grab one myself; that's when I noticed that two were missing!
I pulled my hand back without taking a donut and mildly chided my boss as I rested the hand on the open trunk door, "Diana, you know even as superheroine has to watch her Amazon goddess figure!"
She continued to munch away as she shrugged her shoulders and purred, "I'm sorry Ryan, I couldn't help myself, they smelled so delicious. I just had to try one. Mmm, it was so good; I had to have another one." Boy was she buttering me up, she continued after she licked her ruby red lips, "You're the most wondrous dessert maker I know and the most handsome mere mortal sidekick a Wonder Woman could ever ask for."
I slightly turned my head, "Are you finished?" Wow, talk about stroking my ego!
She giggled and handed me her gaudy glasses, "Here."
"What are you doing?" I asked as I looked down at the glasses and then back up at her.
She remained silent and walked between two trees; Diana looked around and threw her arms out, she began to twirl in place. She disappeared in a red vortex of energy, the vortex turned to blue and ebbed, Wonder Woman emerged, but not wearing the costume we've come accustomed of her wearing. Her bustier was still red but her satin tights were jet black with white stars. The boots were solid jet black except the gold trim near the top. Wonder Woman wore gloves that ran up to her upper arms, they were red and black, a white strip separated the colors near her elbow. It was finished off with a choker around her neck.
The arrogant Wonder Woman smugly walked up to me as my mouth slowly drooped to the floor, "Well, lieutenant?"
"Ahhhhh," I stammered, "But they'll know who you are," I answered as I pointed towards the tavern.
She picked up her glasses and replied, "That's what these are for," and put those hideous spectacles on. "No self respecting superheroine of Wonder Woman's stature would be caught dead wearing these things."
I quickly saw her point. I was about to reply when my phone rang; I reluctantly answered it, "Lieutenant Wolf speaking..."
"Yes, Kara! He is.....Great.....I'm glad....He did.....Well....have fun!"
"Ensign Pike I presume," Wonder Woman asked as she folded her arms under her well endowed chest.
"Yes, she's just had a dance with Captain America, she's smitten with him."
"Can you blame the girl?" Wonder Woman asked before she sighed as she looked up, "He's blonde, big strong muscles, very handsome..."
This time it was my turn to butter someone up, "I'd rather be smitten with a buxom silky raven haired Amazon Princess, with sparkling hypnotic blue eyes and glossy ruby red lips, complete with a very loving compassionate personality to boot."
She took a deep breath, sending her titillating cleavage sky high as well as my blood pressure and replied, "Keep that up Ryan my sidekick and you just may get lucky tonight."
Moments later we had those tasty little morsels safely inside, so to speak. Blue had changed into her little red devil costume, complete with horns and forked tail. She called Dana over as Wonder Woman and I set the sweet smelling boxes of donuts down on the counter. I opened a box and took a big whiff of the sweet apple cider smell. My chest began to swell with pride as I enjoyed the aroma of those sinfully delicious donuts.
"Dana! I perfected the recipe," I verbally pounded my now totally inflated chest.
Dana smirked took a donut out of the box as she rebutted, "I'll be the judge of that!" She bit into the donut and nodded her approval before she rolled her eyes in utter pleasure, "Oh my God, Ryan! This is awesome! Mmm, fantastic!" Suddenly the world stopped turning, Dana rewarded me by brushing my cheek with her soft hand. My mind raced back to just a few short weeks ago when she blasted me out of the sky while wearing that very skimpy pink thong bikini. Tara nearly died laughing as Dana did her foul evil deed. "May Day, May Day, This is Wolf 1! I've been hit!" Tara laughed over and over as she rolled over her towel.
About this time a voluptuous Blonde wearing glasses strutted up to me. She wore a loose fitting red blouse and tight black skirt that stopped a few inches high of her knees. Her blue eyes sparkled as put a hand on her soft hip and smiled, "Hi Ryan!"
I looked at her, trying to place her, but I couldn't. She knew me, but who was she? She frowned as she realized I didn't recognize her; the blonde placed her hands on her hips and leaned over at me, "Ryan, it's me. Harley!"
"Harley! I didn't recognize you! I'm sorry!" I replied and gave her a friendly hug.
We pulled away and I looked at her as I placed my hands on her shoulders. She smiled as she moved her shoulders, "Well, Ryan, whadaya think?"
"I like it, but what are you supposed to be?"
Well, I did it again, Harley titled her head at me as she half cockeyed her mouth. "I'm a psychologist, you silly...," she replied and then demanded, "Now, what happened to your orange flight suit you said you were going to wear?"
Ah nuts, she had to mention that. I was going to wear it, but I wound up getting into some major trouble wearing it on the test run. Blue hated it, no, despised it; that color orange was so obnoxious that she trapped me inside a Pokemon ball. Despite my muffled cries she giggled, "Sorry Ryan-kun, you look so much like a little cute Pokemon in that suit. I have to protect you." Chp would wind up rescuing me, after Blue, the mighty ninja, was trapped inside of one.
I looked at Harley and kept a straight face, "It, uh, shrunk in the wash."
"Oh, that's too bad Ryan," she giggled and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "I'll see ya around," she smiled as she gave me a wink. I followed her as she walked away, totally recalling our date that we had. I don't remember much about it, but it was a blast, er, so to speak.
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